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Isolated
15/f
I feel like I have no family a lot of the times or as if I was some adopted outcast or something. My family is pretty much close minded about most things and despise those who are different than the normal person. They're homophobic, they hate those people with piercings and tattoos, black is the color of the devil, rock music rots kid's minds, and you get my drift? Well, I feel like I'm the complete opposite. I'm bi, which I think is part of the reason why I dislike my family and feel left out, I love piercings and look forward to getting a bunch when I turn 18 along with a tattoo or two. And I love the color black, especially when it's mixed with red or dark purple. And music is a big part of my life and the type of music is rock, metal, etc. They hate me as I am already - Listening to that type of music and wearing dark colors most of the time. And they're always trying to change me into someone I'm not. I have to watch what I say, who I mention, what I mention, how I act, how I dress, etc around them as if they were complete strangers to me. I can't tell them anything anymore, not even my sister because my sister just goes off and tells my mom everything I say [& mind you, she's turning 20 this November] I can't discuss music or friends because my mom will end up banning them from me. I can't talk about piercings and what not because they'll think I'm a psycho that needs help. I can't tell them about me being bi because they'll kick me out. I can't talk about guys because they'll interrogate me about the guy to the last detail. I just can't talk to them about anything and I can't be myself around them! I know that I can't talk to them or try to open up their minds a little more because I've tried in the past, failing again and again. I've even told my mom that I have depression and have had it since 4th or 5th grade even before I knew what suicide or depression meant. And she didn't believe me and refuses to believe me. I just don't trust them anymore and I can't talk to them or be myself around them at all. I know that I can't do anything about it until I'm 18 or out of the house. I'm just so sick of living and think it's worthless now. I'm already banned from my best friend, Angela, and she's the only person that I actually tell everything to. I can't talk to my family and I've tried in the past. My mom and sister and dad just won't budge from their point of view and thinks everything that's different from the norm to be a sin or a crime that's punishable by death or something. I'm sick of life and everything else. I don't see the point in it anymore. I don't know what to do. I really don't. I just need advice on how to just be the someone they want me to be until I'm out of the house. I don't know. I just need advice on anything and everything.
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im the same also :( since their trying so hard to change you like my parents do but alot less now i say f them and do what you want. im grounded from all metal acid and hxc music and my bestfriends and black clothes and black makeup and i can go on and on. my cousin wants me to move in with her but i cant she doesnt understand me much but shes only 19 and moved out on her bday. do what i do. forget what they say, incase you do say something wrong just go upstairs and dont talk to them, marylin manson music all the way up and scream it out(what i did ther my fav band), wear all blacks and purples, kiss a girl since your bi let them see it, i went to clairs with my friends one went outside with a phone to act like my mom and i got my cartlidge peirced XP. JUST DO NOT GIVE UP ON LIFE. i did and i am but my friend is here for me hes always over just because everyone in our family is friends. i would seriously be dead bc i atempted suicide. yea dont do that.. but all im sayin is do what YOU want. your parents will probly be scared at first but they will get you help and lighten up after a while bc they can not change you. i fought back. i got what i needed. but i have many restrictions but im alot happier now. i could only talk to my best friend about stuff which my parents hate. things will got to hell then after you will be the happiest person ever. im not trying to be mean but if this is not what you wanted, go by ur parents every word and be a person who is not you at all just faking life. its better to take a chance then to never have tried. atleast try but dont be so extreme. anything at the moments worth trying. your parents are stubbborn like mine, but you have to be stubborn to. i really hope i helped and do not take this the wrong way. just take a little chance.
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wow. my situation is pretty much the same as yours. except, im a pastors daughter. im in the same boat as you. not knowing what to do. i listen to inflames, devil driver, killswitch engage, blind guardian.. death metal. dad calls it "devil music". my brother and i hate being here. they shove religion down our throats, and expect us to be perfect angels in their ideals. and when we arent, they punish us. i know i cant give you advice on WHAT to do, other than to keep holding on. im not quite sure what to do myself. in fact, today, i was late for an appt. and mom said, "find your own way home" so i called my best friend, and she was going to come pick me up. mom got all mad when i told her that i had found another ride, and now im "grounded". i cant talk to my best friend. partly because i grew up with her husband and him and i are still good friends. we talk all the time about my family issues, and he swears up and down that hes gonna come get me when things get bad. (he's 6 years older than me. him and his wife both) the only thing i can do for you, besides telling you to hold on, is to talk with you about specifics. if you want my s/n or whatever, let me know. i know what youre going thru. ive been soo depressed for at least 2 years now. and i know i cant talk to my family about anything. told my best friend today that i dont feel like i have a family. i never see my brother, my dad doesnt seem to care, and my mom is always mad about something ive done, or didnt do, or whatever.
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