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Waiting for Mr. Right
I think I have found mr. Right, but he just broke it off with me because he needs to search himself. The other day I let him know that I was going on a date and he told me later that it hurt him. He alluded to us getting back together after he figures this out and asked if I would move with him if he left after graduation. I said yes. I left the conversation feeling optimistic about us getting back together. The problem is I don't want to wait for him becuase he may never come around. I am dating this other guy, but I know it hurts him and I don't want to be with anybody, but him. He still comes over and it feels like he does this to keep me from spending time with other guys. should I be a bitch and demand that he stop coming over or basque in his presence when he comes over? I miss him.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Tell him that you respect him and his desire to improve himself, that, in fact, you understand it and wish him the best in finding out who he is.
BUT...in the meantime, you too have to live your life and cannot wait for anyone.
I don't reccomend getting back with him regardless. Perhaps, this is an opportunity for the two of you to become better friends. It's been my experience that people need to become themselves independently of others so if he's expressing this need, it's real and you shouldn't put pressure on him to be in a relationship with you if that's not in his best interest.
You are NOT being unreasonable by asking him to call before he comes to visit or by saying no if you have other plans.
The last thing I'll say is it's highly unadvisable for you to be physically intimate with him if he can claim single status to other women.
Anyways, best of luck.
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What the hell does search himself mean? Seriously, it may mean he is afraid to commit or just not with you. Pressure him and you will drive him further away, but don't wait around for someone that is going to toy with you. Your problem is that you have given up your power. Everything in your future is hanging on what his next move is...am I right? He has been monopolizing you by coming and going and interrupting your moving on without him and you have allowed it. It does not "hurt" him, just his pride, that you can date or breathe without his permission. You need to quit being his bitch, and start being your own woman. Thirty is too old not to get yourself together without a man's approval.
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Long story short... Once upon a time, I met a boy. (We'll call him P.) P and I started dating and I thought that he was Mr. Right and that I was "in love." A month later he broke up with me saying that he, "was confused and needed to find himself." (Sound familiar?) I waited, we got back together and... In the course of 2-3 years we broke up a total of 6 times, usually because he was confused about something. Except for the last time...
The last time... I broke up with him. I realized that "I'm confused" is just an excuse. Or... A ploy. When our relationship got a little serious he would hand me this excuse; avoiding committment but still keeping me to himself. My delusions of love and destiny were gone... I was tired of wriding an emotional rollercoaster. Dumping him hurt both of us... But guess what? I got over him, and he got over me.
When someone cares about you and wants to be with you they do not break up with you. There is no reason that he couldn't "find himself" while dating you. You should not feel guilty for dating other people, or worry about his feelings. You are not his girlfriend. (And that is HIS fault.) He has no right to ask you to wait for him or to put your life on hold. Doing so is the opposite of love and extremely unfair.
My advice: Don't wait for him. Date other guys. If he keeps coming around and acting jealous, explain to him that because of HIS decision the two of you are no longer in a relationship. You can be friends, but friendships need to have boundaries. For example, he needs to behave like a friend and not like your boyfriend.
PS. Run to the nearest bookstore and buy a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You," by Greg and Liz.
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just tell him how you feel, and if he doesn't feel the same-then its his loss. You're just throwing out there your feelings, so for him to reject them shows that he's not worth your time. There's always a mr.right and a mr.wrong; its life and you might find a few guys that might seem like they're the right guy. But for now, why don't you just try talking to him--and say that you don't think he can still come over, atleast as much because you don't feel comfortable.
hope i helped!
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