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Essay
I was wondering If I could get some feedback/advice on my college essay. School is out and won't be back till after I apply to some schools so I can't get an english teacher to read it and I think its kind of personal and I would rather not my parents read it. so here it is.. thanks!:
Walking into my child development class, it took less than a few minutes before a child was calling for my attention. These eager to learn, bright-eyed 3 year-olds came in during October to learn from me, and left in May teaching me more than I could ever as for.
Before taking Child-Development, or even before high school, I was very unsure of myself. Looking back, I see my old-self, an awkward pre-teen trying to fit in and be that ‘pretty, popular girl’. I knew I would never have the most expensive clothes, the biggest house or be the most beautiful, and that killed me inside.
During class I was taught to build their self-concept. I often said to myself, “How can I teach these kids confidence, when I don’t even feel it myself?”
I have grown to believe the statement, “You can learn many things from children.” Those 3 year-olds, no matter what got in their way that day, whether they had a runny nose and didn’t feel like coming, or they were upset because someone broke their favorite toy, they were always open to whatever was presented to them. They accepted each other with value as an individual. One particular instance that really stood out to me was between two of the boys this past spring. Calvin, a shy blonde-haired boy, was crying under the jungle gym. Without hesitation, Josh the oldest and most outgoing boy, approached Calvin, asked him what was wrong, and asked him to play. I found this instance particularly special because these two children have never played together or befriended each other before. Josh, without hesitation, saw an opportunity to help someone, and acted. This act was not uncommon in my preschool either. The dozen energetic children I worked with were the most accepting, non-judgmental people I have ever seen. Not only did each and every one of them treat each other with respect and patience, but they took in us as their ‘teachers’ and put their full trust in us.
Angela Schwindt had said, “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” With that, if they could live me unconditionally, why couldn’t I? I began accepting others and seeing others for their gifts over their flaws. Most importantly, I began to believe in myself and develop my own self-concept. I stopped worrying about whether I was having a bad hair-day or if my outfit was perfect because none of that mattered to them. I was perfect the way I was. With this I had a high level of confidence and broke out of my shell. From them I learned to live, and to teach others to love as well.
Those sometimes overwhelming, but always loving 3 year-olds are the main reason I live my life the way I do today, and the main reason why I love, and always will want to continue teaching. “He who teaches children learns more than they do.”
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Hello.
Honestly- I think that is as good as you're going to get it. I think it is very well written and it is well organized. You definitely gave examples- which is always good! And you didn't linger on the examples- you clearly stated what the example was and gave enough background and then said the deeper meaning of it.
I think it is also the perfect length- any longer and it might have been torture =X. But, any shorter and you may not have been able to get your words out.
Maybe try going through again and using a thesaurus where you believe that you might like better word choice.
Overall- I give it an A-!
--Jack
(15/m)
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That is amazing. I do not think anything can be changed, or improved. It is seriously and honestly- perfect. There is good description, and I like the quote at the end, it gives it a very person touch!
Bravo!
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