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Anxiety/Fear
I'm just wondering, does anyone else feel constantly anxious...
Example: Asking a personal question on advicenators, then feeling scared about the answers... so you don't check it for days.
Or, even reading your feedback, your heart starts thumping.
Or, commenting or messaging someone on myspace or email and being unsure whether or not you'll get a reply, so you just don't check it for as long as you can handle.
I'm also anxious that when I IM someone, they won't respond.
I don't know why, but I'm always scared.
Am I just weird or is this normal? What should I do?
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No, you're not weird! We all get anxious about certain things... and some people just get a little more anxious than others.
Anxiety is just a really intense fear... and it sounds like what you're fearful of is rejection. You're afraid people will look down on you because of the questions you ask, or that they won't like the advice you give. You're worried that people wont answer your comments/messages because they don't like you, or don't think you're worthy of a response. And of course that would make you feel bad.
Now, I could sit here and tell you not to worry, that people are basically pretty decent and will most likely respond positively, even if it's out of common courtesy. And yes, that's probably true... but of course there WILL be times when someone is rude or rejects you in some way. If you can prepare yourself for that, and teach yourself not to let it bother you too much if it happens, then your anxiety about these situations might go away.
Now bare with me here. I coach gymnastics, so I deal with fear all the time. When a gymnast is fearful of a skill, it's because she's thinking of what MIGHT happen if she messes up... all the "what ifs". What if my foot misses the beam? What if I don't catch the bar? Instead of saying "Don't worry, you can do it", I teach her what to do in case those things happen... basically, how to fall properly without getting hurt. Once she knows that she can handle a "what if" and come out okay, the skill isn't so scary anymore.
You can do the same thing with your fear: practice being rejected. Well, you probably can't MAKE someone reject you, but you can imagine it happening and plan on how you will handle the situation, what you will feel and think to avoid hurting too much. For instance:
What if: you check your feedback and someone has given you a 3. You need to tell yourself that it's not YOU they're giving a 3, it's your answer. And that doesn't mean it wasn't good advice. Maybe they didn't understand you, or maybe it just wasn't the answer they wanted to hear. Just take it in stride and try not to take it personally.
What if: you comment or IM someone and they don't respond. You can tell yourself: Well, that happens to everyone sometimes. Maybe the person hasn't been on in a while... or maybe they had a lot of comments and just overlooked yours... or maybe they were really involved in a conversation with someone else and just forgot about your comment? If it happens repeatedly, though, then yeah.. maybe they don't want to talk to you. Does that make you feel bad? Well, yes. But does that make you a bad person? No!! It's their loss, and you can just put them behind you and keep going on.
The fact is, everyone gets turned down, misjudged, hurt or rejected from time to time. But it usually has more to do with the person doing the rejecting, not the person being rejected. So just keep reminding yourself of all your good qualities and try not to let someone else's actions affect the way you feel about yourself.
Hope this helps! =]
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I understand what you're saying. I deal with my anxiety levels too. You're definitely not wierd, believe me. Anxiety is normal, but I think you have irrational fears. To some extent, they could be rational, if you see what I'm saying.
I'm not a doctor, so all I'm going to tell you to do is to remember to just relax and start breathing when you get anxious. It sounds lame, but I do it to help me. If it gets to the point where you really can't handle it, I'd go your physician and they could direct you to someone who could help.
Good Luck! (I know what you're going through!)
Jess♥
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I have an anxiety and I expeiernce wierd things like that too. Not excalty that because people are different but I go through stuff like that. I hate showing up to places alone because im afriad no one will know who i am. I just get anxiety over the wierdest things. Its not wierd or anything it just happens.
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