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Realistic Dream
Okay so, This may be a bit confusing but bare with me. And I also apologize for any graphic descriptions. This is very hard for me. I am having trouble deciding wether or not I had a horrific dream or if something really happened. You see, I think my father molested me when I was about 6. But I am unsure as to wether or not I dreamed it. I recall him coming into my room several times when I was masturbating (humping a pillow)and I can remember him rubbing his penis on my vagina. I don't remember him ever actually sticking it in. The thought of it makes me sick. But I can also vividly remember him wiping my vagina with a washcloth when he was done, then telling me not to tell mom and then he left. I can remember the way it felt and everything. It disgusts me. I can also recall another time after that when I told my mother as my dad walked through the door but I dont remember anything that happened after. Its disturbing to think about but I have no proof that it really happened. Thats part of the reason I think its a dream. I also have had a dream or 2 before when I woke up and thought it really happened. I just need to know if it really happened. I cant even look at my dad the same way because of this and I dont dare ask anyone. What is your opinion? Did I dream it or was it real?
If it helps your decision any, I once found a porn video on his computer that was titled something to the effect of "Dad f**ks blonde teen daughter". I watched it and it didnt look that way and I know sometimes things can have a different title than what it really is. I mean it was an older man that had sex with a blonde girl and she called him daddy. But... :// I dont know!
:( Any answer is appreciated. Just elaborate your thoughts on it please. Thank you.
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I don't really know what to say. That's horrible. I really think u should talk to your mom or atleast speak with a guidence counselor. I do believe that this could have
What's the worst your mom can say? Yea she will probably think ur nuts but just tell her that youhad a dream and yÓujust want to know if its true becuase its been killing you. I reallydont know what to say to youi can't say I can imagine how you are feeling becuase I can't. But I really hope you resolve this issue. It must be hard living like this. Please speak to someone who can help you about this and especially to your mom. She should understand. Its been 2 years since you posted this..maybe its time to speak up.
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This is a VERY tough situation to be in- and I know people who have been in it. It's very hard to say if this 'dream' was a repressed memory coming back or not. This can happen. But there have also been instances where people have been wrong about these things. So it is a very tough call.
This was a big topic a while ago- like early 90's- and lots of people were coming out with repressed memories. But it turned out that some of them seem to have been induced by therapists, hypnosis or other things.
You didn't mention if you were in counseling or not, so I don't know if that's a possibility for you. They have since changed some of their practices and theories about this because of what happened a decade ago, but this is still a possibility. Which is why you need to also be careful in the counselors that you speak with and make sure they aren't the type to jump to a conclusion too fast.
Having known people who have gone through this- my advice is that you need to tread VERY carefully. Confronting a potential abuser on something like this, is a big thing to do. Even if they did it, there's a very real chance that they will just deny it, and chances are your relationship with your family will be forever changed.
So YOU NEED TO BE PREPARED before doing something like this. I know someone who did it and then was estranged from her family for a decade afterwards. Something she wasn't prepared for, and it was incredibly difficult for her to deal with it. Spending the holidays alone, not even knowing if family members were dead or alive because she was cut off, etc. Unfortunately, her therapist was a little too optimistic about what would happen in the confrontation and didn't prepare her for this, so she was shell-shocked and didn't know what to do with herself.
I'm not suggesting that you NEVER confront them, I'm just saying that if and when you do, you need to be in the right place and be prepared for the worst- because this often does not end well. Rarely do abusers admit to what they did. And this can sometimes just makes things worse, so you need to decide first, if it's the right thing to do (that is, if you feel that this really happened), and second- if you can deal with the consequences.
Given that, it will be helpful to speak with a counselor and try to sort through some of this stuff first. It doesn't sound like you are in any danger now, so take some time to work through this with a PROFESSIONAL. Dreams aren't always what they seem so it could mean something else. On the other hand, if you have other pieces of the puzzle that fit together then maybe this could be more than a dream. This stuff can be very complex and it's hard to say 100% one way or the other.
I'm sure that you want a definite answer right away and it's only natural to want to resolve this- but for the sake of your sanity- don't rush it. Get some help first and work through it. Especially given that you are only 17, and I assume still living in the house? That will make things even harder if you confront them. So you need to make sure that you are strong enough and in a position mentally and otherwise to deal with whatever could come out of that.
A good counselor can help you with that. And will help you plan the right course of action. If you have no access to counseling, you can start with a school counselor. You can also check and see if there are other options (like free counseling) in your area. Your school counselor may have some suggestions.
I can't write everything here, this is a very complex matter. But if you need to talk further just contact me.
I will be thinking of you. I know how hard this is.
Meanwhile, try to take care of yourself.
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That is so fucked up. You should ask your mom if she remembers you telling her about that, because if she does then maybe it wasn't a dream. Seeing the porn video on his computer also makes it seem like he is a pervert so it kinda seems to me that it wasn't a dream, and that it was real. If you can actually remember what it feels like then that also makes it more real. I hope i'm wrong but to me it seems totally real and you need to ask your mom and dad or at least someone about this. You might not want to go straight to your dad because if it was real he would deny it. i really hope i helped! best of luck!
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You need to either comfront him about it, No, Wait, That's all you can do. Be a man and say what you think, and if he looks really confused, say something to play it off. Now.
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