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I really want your opinion!
Hey, I don't know if you remember but I asked you about abortion awhile ago?
I'm 19.. and I actually had the procedure done about 2 weeks ago. And I thought you were very helpful so I wanted to ask you a few things. (By the way, it went well and I'm going for my checkup appointment this week.)
My long-term boyfriend is absolutely clueless about this whole thing. He has no idea I was pregnant nor that I had an abortion. (He would have been supportive since we discussed it once) My mother said that it's private and that even telling him could lead to disaster. I've been good so far, not emotional but healthy and ready to move on with my life.
The issue of sex has come up. My boyfriend & I have actually not had sex for a month or so and now we're both in the mood. I feel ready, we had an amazing sex life before this. I'm going on birth control, but not for another month or two and holding off seems..not so good. What would you reccommend for protection? Condoms? (Well, of course) But I would love to hear your input please. Thank you so much again!
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I'm SO GLAD you did what you felt was right and took care of yourself. Too many women are afraid to do that! It must be so much easier knowing that you did the right thing.
I think that some of my sadness about my procedure is due to the fact that I now have only one child and am not supposed to have more. My husband wanted 3. I would like another, but I shouldn't get pregnant again per physicians' advice. I hope that is not an issue for you and that once you are ready, you are able to have all the children you want - if you want them.
I'm confused about your Mother's idea not to tell your boyfriend. He half-made the fetus and it was his pregnancy too. I would never advise a woman to abort without even discussing it with her long-term boyfriend unless he was abusive. I hope that if he *is* abusive, either mentally or physically, this is your wake-up call that it's time to end it. But I assume that's not the case. I think your boyfriend had a right to know you were pregnant and to discuss how he felt about it. he didn't have the right to make the decision, but he had a right to have his feelings heard. If you are in love with this man and you see a future for yourself with him, you owe it to him to tell him what happened. As it is, this is a major issue and your not telling him could be considered a betrayal and a lie of omission. Of course, there is nothing he can do about it and it has always been your choice, but in a relationship, you have an obligation to share these things. I hope you feel like you can share this with him. If not, it may be time for you to move on to another relationship. Maybe there are circumstances I'm not aware of which would change my mind, though.
My imput regarding your birth control choices would mean less than that which your doctor can give you. However, condoms are good, though not fail-safe. Birth control pills are good and can be effective in 2 weeks to 1 month. I have had IUDs and find them to be effective, low-maintenance, and easily reversible when the time came, but doctors usually (though not always) use those on women who've given birth at least once. There are also over-the-counter gels and foams (which are more effective if used with a condom and should be used every time you have sex in order to protect you). There's the Nuva Ring, which releases the hormones in the birth control pill directly into your vagina. There are diaphragms and cervical caps, but those are not favored because they can slip off the cervix during sex and fail to protect you.
I hope that your doctor who did the abortion will speak with you at your check-up about birth control. Abortion is not a happy thing for anyone involved. The doctor, you, and your partner would likely rather prevent an unwanted pregnancy than have to do a surgical procedure to end one. The doctor should go through your options with you and encourage you to make a decision based upon your health history, your family's health history, your habits, your needs, and your access to birth control. I hope your check-up goes well. :)
Continue to take care of yourself. I'm so glad for you that everything went so well and you're feeling healthy. Please let me know if there's any other way I can help you.
Sabine
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