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my guy is whipped....by his EX!!!
ok so im in a friends with benefits relationship with my best guy friend. he and his ex broke up 3 months ago, she broke up with him. ok so we really haven't done much, i gave him a hj. we've been best friends for 2 years, its not like i just met him yesterday and im screwing him and 5 other guys, its just him and i trust him a lot, he's my first guy i've done sexual things with. anyways, i told my best friend and only my best friend what i did with him. about 2 and a half months ago he felt me up and i told somebody else, (not my best friend), who i trusted, turns out she told everyone and they all thought i lied about it but now they know i'm not lying because my best friend told them that i gave him a hj to defend me from their rumors. i forgive her for telling them because she was defending me but me and the guy wanted to keep the relationship a secret. ok so despite that they broke up, my guy and his ex are still friends and she still has him whipped!! ok so she found out what we're doing and now she's mad at both of us and shes calling me a slut and telling everyone that'll listen what i did. i dont know why she cares, she gave him up, so she should let him go, its almost been 4 months since they've been apart. me and the guy are on a break now until the drama settles. how do i tell his ex to back off, he's too scared of her to say anything. truly it's none of her business and she should just get over it. what do i do about her?
(yea i've asked this before but there were a lot of relationship questions and it got pushed the the second page and only one person answered and i want more opinions. please)
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Well, it sounds like his ex still has some feelings for him. So she's jealous when she hears what you've been doing. And if he's still letting himself be "whipped" by her, he may have some feelings left for her, too. There's really nothing you can do about that. That's between him and her, and they need to figure it out and work out on their own what their relationship will be.
In the meantime, it's good that you're taking a break from the "benefits" thing. And my advice is, don't resume it... with this guy, or with anyone else. I know this will sound harsh, but when you do sexual things with someone you're not in a committed relationship with, that IS considered slutty. The only difference between "friends with benefits" and a prostitute is, the prostitute gets paid. What do you get? Nothing! Your friend gets all the benefits without giving you anything in return.
Maybe you're hoping that your benefits-friend will eventually like you as a girlfriend and ask you out. Well, that's possible, but it doesnt usually happen like that. Why would a guy give up his freedom when he can get what he wants without all the complications of a relationship? And do you think he, or other people who hear about it, will really respect you? Unfortunately, probably not.
I think you should tell your friend that you don't want to mess around with him anymore. If you're really just friends with the guy, tell him that you don't want it to get in the way of your friendship. But if you actually like him as more than a friend, tell him so... and tell him that if he wants the benefits to continue, it will have to be as his girlfriend.
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