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I dont want to hurt his feelings
ok well theres this guy steve who has gone to my school for a few years. but i'd never even seen him or noticed him before, because he was hardly ever there (he has cystic fibrosis so he spends a lot of time in the hospital). anyway, this year he started talking to me on myspace and texting me all the time. but he's really shy in person, and when i see him at school he wont even look at me. he invited me to his bday party (i was the only girl there) and he barely looked at me the whole time. but afterwards he texted me and said how beautiful i looked, and if i was single he'd ask me out. (btw i have a bf that ive been going out with for 2 years). then he asked me if i would ever go out with him if my bf and i broke up. i told him i like him as a friend, but that i dont really know him that well. but really, i dont think i'd ever like him as a boyfriend. anyway, now he keeps asking me to go on bike rides with him, and i keep making excuses why i cant go. i kinda want to, cuz i do like him as a friend. but i dont know if it would be wrong to go somewhere with another guy while i have a bf. plus it might make him think i like him. so my questions are: (1) should i go on a bike ride with him, or would that be wrong? (2) how can i tell him that ill only ever like him as a friend, without hurting his feelings?
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This situation is quite complicated, so you have my sympathies. I'm going to do my best to get you through it with as little trouble as possible.
If you truly like this guy as a friend, I think you should go with him on the bike ride. Treat him as you would any friend of yours, but make sure that he's aware that he is only JUST a friend. This may hurt him, but it will hurt even more if you avoid him and stop being his friend entirely. Because of his illness, he's probably used to many people doing just that. I advise you to be the better person and not be one of those people. You seem really nice, so I'm sure you'll do the right thing.
If your friend continues to have a crush on you, as long as it's harmless, that's not something I would do anything about. Just enjoy it and be flattered. If it's something that bothers you, be firm and tell him how you feel. Tell him that it has to stop or you can't be his friend. Again, this may hurt him, but telling him how you feel allows him the chance to change and keep his friendship with you. Isn't that more kind than keeping your feelings bottled up and ignoring him hoping it'll go away?
If your friend can keep his crush on you in check, I wouldn't worry about your boyfriend being jealous. He may be a little jealous at first, which is normal when your significant other has a friend of the opposite sex, but that's something he's going to have to get over. As long as you're treating this guy as just a friend, your boyfriend has no right to be jealous. You just need to reassure everyone where they stand and what parts they play in your life. Once you're more secure with where everyone stands, everything will eventually fall into place.
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Hi.
I don't think there's anything wrong with going anywhere or just hanging out with a friend if you have a bf if that's all it is. The situation with you is a little more complicated though.
Firstly you are right in your assumption. Going with him may actually make him think that you do like him in some way or another which is the last thing you needat the moment. If you want to go on a bike ride with him and such then by all means do so BUT before agreeing to you need to make sure he knows EXACTLY where he stands with you. To be totally honest there isn't anything anyone can say that will make it hurt less (unless you lie but I strongly don't advise that). The truth will hurt but it will be the truth and unfortunently when it comes to things like these you have to be prepared to get hurt. There's no way to prevent his feelings from getting hurt so all you really can do is just be honest with him. Just explain to him (in text or on the phone, however you see fit) that you only see him as a friend and you don't plan on ever breaking up with your bf. If that ever did happen you're sorry but you'd still only ever see him as a friend. If you can find a better way to word it by all means do so but you have to remember to keep it simple and to the point. You don't want to give him any false hope because that will only make things worse. He might get hurt a little or he might not but either way I can assure you he WILL get over it in time.
Good luck.
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