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Overreacting?
I started dating this guy a little over two weeks ago and it's been pretty hot and heavy. He's really awesome and I like him a lot. He's leaving tomorrow to go work in California for 2 months to make money. I've known about this since I met him, so it's not a big deal. Well, not until today.
His family had a little party today and my family was invited. Well, one of his friends was there hanging with us. He was really awkward and detached and I felt like I was at some random person's party imposing on them and their friends. There was like a 5 minute period where he actually treated me like his girlfriend and otherwise it was like I was just another one of his friends.
Again, he's leaving for 2 months. When I left the party all he did was give me this awkward sideways hug that isn't even intimate enough for FRIENDS. It wasn't even a real goodbye. I was really shocked about how he acted. He was so different and it pissed me off and hurt a little bit that I was just...there.
It's not like I wanted us to sit there making out in front of everyone, but some affection would've been nice. We're really close normally. We've done a lot together in such a short period of time and last night he told me LOVED me. That's not how you treat someone you love, that's for sure.
I sent him a message on MySpace telling him by and to have fun and I'm intending to leave it like that and let him make a move to call me if he wants to. I feel like a big baby and like I'm overreacting, but it just seemed so rude and just...awful. I don't know how to feel.
Am I overreacting? Is letting him make the next move a good idea? What should I do? Any advice would be great.
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Edit: Don't worry the 4 isn't the issue. I did the edit because it was literally 30 second between pressing submit, and the feedback appearing. I figured you skimmed it, got to the first thing that bothered you and left the feedback. I appreciate your feedback. Here are some additional thoughts: I had only what you wrote to go on. From this side of the issue, what you wrote looks incredibly demanding, self absorbed and petty beyond belief. I am glad to know that this isn't the case. ;-) Now, it is also important to note that we didn;t know that was the last time you would see him for 2 months. You said "when I left the party..." not "... when he left for 2 months..." so I thoght you were just pissed because he didn't adequately hug you when leaving a party. And you did break off communications. You said right here that you were intending to leave it like that and make him call you. Lastly, you can't solve something like this yourself. You may get "over" it, but if you don't let him know he did anything wrong (he doesn't know) then he will do it again, and again and again... then one day you might freak out on him and say something like: "You always do THIS!" ... and he will not have a clue why you are bent out of shape. Trust me on this one. I am living through this right now. Something that my wife could have resolved by just saying one sentence, she let eat at her for 8 years. Don't do that. Please. Oh, and about the 4, I was expecting a 1, so no worries. :-)
Hi there,
I hope you don't mind some direct advice.
I think you are way out of line here. You have known this guy for two weeks, and you are wondering why he is awkward with you in front of your family?
How about in front of his family? At two weeks they can't know you very well, and he is going to be on his best behaviour in front of both sets of parents.
You are concerned that with all of the family there he didn't spend the majority of his time with you? That is normal, if you add in the stress of being confronted with both your families together at the same time, it is very normal.
You are hurt because he acted different? Of course he is going to act different. You are used to seeing him in romantic settings, and this is a family setting. If he wasn't different I would be worried.
Also you say you have done a lot in a short period of time... well, I can tell you that being in front of the parents of the daughter you are having sex with, would be horrifying for most guys.
Why do you think most guys never want to meet the girl's parents until they have to? This is why: Because they know that the parents are looking at him knowing what is going on between you. No guy likes that, unless he is only with you to hurt your parents for some reason.
You are confusing love with romance. You say that isn't the way you treat someone you love? The hell it isn't. That he agreed to meet your parents at all after only 2 weeks is practically a pledge of undying love... then he is nervous, so you get mad at him and break off communications... with a MYSPACE MESSAGE?
I am sorry, but that is incredibly immature.
If you are planning on leaving this go, then I will be frank with you: End the relationship now.
If you can't talk about something as unbelievably petty and unimportant as this, you will eventually break up over something mildly important.
If, on the other hand, you are willing to admit that the reason you posted this and worded it the way you did is because your conscience is SCREAMING at you that you are making a mistake... then there is hope.
Call him, and tell him what you are feeling, don't be whiny and bitchy about it, and ask him why he wasn't comfortable loving on you in front of your parents. If you can actually ask that question without having the answer "In front of your parents" whack you in the head, then you are in trouble.
I know guys that haven't met their girlfriends parents after TWO YEARS, and when they do they can't do anything more than hold hands, and even that can be awkward.
Basically, the crux of my advice is to get over your insecurities by addressing the cause. Do you have abandonment issues?
Do you simply not understand the very simple way that men's minds work?
Whatever the cause, get it handled.
Much as you would like it to, after two weeks the world doesn't revolve around you. Wait until there are rings involved and marriage vows before you expect the world to revolve around you. ;-)
Seriously... don't keep this bottled up, or you will destroy this relationship. You will blame him for it, when it is actually your fault, and then you will go to the next relationship and do the exact same thing.
You can fix this once and for all by talking this out with him in a cool, non-shrewish way.
The choice is yours.
Good luck.
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well your definately right. thats not how someone treats you if they love you. im guessing theres a little comunication problems in this relation. its not like your bf can guess what your feeling. you need to tell him and maybe even make the mooves yorself. it sound like your bf is busy going places so hes probabally preoccupied with what he needs to do. as for the party he needed that time with his friends. your his girl so he probabally planned on calling and messaging you alot over the time he was gone. that little goodbye hug he gave you wasnt all that special i agree with you but he might be hurting deep down.some people just hurt in different ways. some do long embracing with kisses. but some like to be tough and stick it and have a little contact before they break it all down.
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