|
What if I'm like this forever?
What if I'm like this forever? I'm always bored. I've lost a bunch of friends I thought I was close with. But all they did was turn on me. I can't trust anyone. But I still manage to give people a chance. Only, I can't seem to keep any friends. Like no one wants to stick around me. Maybe Somethings wrong with me. I have no one I can trust. Ive been going to therapy since i was 5 and it's never helped. all they've done is put me on drugs. But i'm not going to take any drugs. I don't trust them. And I don't trust therapist. They always give up on me and I don't like the fact that they only care because they're getting payed. It's not honest. And I feel like no ones Honest... But I'mm starting to hate myself because i feel like all i'm doing is complaining. And most of my life I've lived thinking "im not a coward and i can get thru anything" But after all these years of the same bull-cr*p nothings changed and all ive realized is that Ive had false hope... I hate myself and i hate who im becoming. Because after all these years of being treated like crap, im starting to treat others like crap. And I try my best not to, but sometimes I cant even control it.
I have no one to talk to and I feel like no one even cares enough to even listen. Ive tried writting, but that doesnt help anymore. And music use to be my escape. But that doesnt work much either, anymore.
I dont do drugs. but sometimes i think i should just to it, to numb all my feelings and just knock me out for a while. I know its the wrong way out. But i dont know what to do anymore. I wish my mind was simple and I could just not care like everyone else. And yes, i know everyone has their own problems, thats why i cant even talk to people. cause i hate being selfish and i know the world doesnt revolve around me. But ive felt like this my whole entire life!
And now, sometimes I just pick fights with people for no reason, or start arguements, Like if I want them to yell at me and put me down.
I HATE THIS.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE and sometimes I want to give up, but i know its stupid and suicide is the cowards way out and im probably too much of a coward to even do that.
And i go out and do excercise for a while. but that doesnt work anymore either cause i get back to feeling like i did before and now the feelings dont go away and i feel like cr*p while im riding my bike or something.
Well, my mind sucks and i dont even have the mentality of someone my age. Kids my age have their morals alll wrong and ive never been able to relate to their stupid lifestyles.. but i like to respect and i try not to put anyone down. so, im sorry. How can I get over these feelings? I feel like theres no hope. And no way out of this. Im 19
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
I don't know your family life situation, whether you have a good support system or not, but...
You need them more now than ever.
Tell your parents the therapist and therapy sessions isn't helping. And, by the way, are you completely open and honest with the therapist so he/she will know HOW to help you?
You sound like you suffer from a combination of manic depression along with trust issues.
Look back on your childhood and think if someone (a family member) abandoned you or failed you to the point that you can not TRUST anyone now?
There is a "root" to your mental and emotional state of mind and moods. The trauma you have suffered in your childhood has caused you the difficulties you suffer today in your inter-personal relationships with people.
You need friends and family to be HAPPY and healthy and emotionally satisfied.
Get a specialist. Have your parents find a specialist for teenagers that deal with teens mental health issues. That is the first step.
A group therapy with other teens that share the same problem(s) is an excellent way to start healing. You will find that you are not alone and other teens feel the same for various reasons.
Talking in group airs your inner feelings and thoughts, releasing them and preventing the pent up anquish and emotions from building until exploding.
You can not keep it all in, fearing you are "complaining." Yes, to others it is complaining and whining. But in a group therapy it is NOT!
Medications are not always the answer, although one antidepressant or mood elavotor that does work on you coupled with group therapy and a specialist is the best combo to help you become the girl you want to be.
Another thing is your negative feelings of yourself. That will cause you to fail and be exactly what you are afraid of, a negative, depressing person.
You have to have the frame of mind and attitude to "talk" nice and postive to yourself. Tell yourself it's normal for what you have been through, and that you can work through this, and you can be the girl you want to be and that you DESERVE happiness and good things for yourself like anyone else. BE GOOD TO YOURSELF FIRST.
Start a journal, even if it's a spiral notebook. List things and events in your childhood growing up. Family: Mother, father, brothers & sisters. Even if you are adopted, the adoptive parents. And is that the root? Your bio parents "abandoned" you? See what I am referring to?
List events, friends, bad things, good things, everything.
Then list your feelings, bad and negative and any good.
Write down your deepest thoughts and feelings and why you can't treat yourself good, why you think you deserve to be treated good and why you treat others badly...
You are in such a routine habit of negative thoughts to yourself that you've become self-destructive to yourself. A self-fulfilling prophesy of negative and bad is happening and coming true.
If you would like to email me privating, you can.
]
Hey. Well, what you need to do to deal with your trust issues is just forget about what you're fake friends did to you. A large number of people are exactly the same, but it's easy to find the ones who aren't. As for you not commiting suicide, that DOES NOT make you a coward, that makes you one of the few sane people in this world.Basically, you're matture, and the people that you chose to befriend aren't... but that doesn't mean they're horrible people, it's good to have a few immature friends, it helps you have fun. All in all, what you need to do is "wipe your slate clean," and forget what everyone else has done to you. Just start your life over. Maybe you could ask one of your parents to transfer you to a different school. I'm pretty sure if they knew how miserable you were they'd atleast try. If you can't go to a new school then pick a new clique of friends. Since you're 19 you're most likely in college, so changing schools would be out of the question. Just start over and forget your past. And know that while you don't think anyone cares about you, your family does and anyone that cares enough to put an answer to this question is living proof people are concerned.
Keep your chin up, hun. It will be okay :].
]
More Questions: |