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help pls (pt 3)
Hey Yumiko,
Is it wrong of me wanting 2 talk to him more get to know him more especially since we both live in different cities. I don't get how we can get to know one another if we stay distant from one another.. I just can't.. Maybe that's his way of letting me down gently.. I dunno...and if its not.. then I dont get it.. Hes confused about me. then deal with it with me. get out all your concerns besides the fact taht he thinks im too clingy and attached.. I don't think I am like that.. I gues I am a little worried since we went from talking till wee in the nite for hours 2 not even talking 5 mins a day.. if that's not strange for you then gawd knows what is.. LOL. I did what I can last nite to open up the walls and get him to understand where I am coming from.. but he just sees the "gay factor" and nothing else.. right now.. that really Pisses me off.. and I don't want to let go of him.. and I know that if we go days without talking..he will forget about me and there is not much I can really do to rectify the situation... :(
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There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to talk to him more. It doesn't matter where you live physically: you like the person, so you want to talk to him more. Totally natural, totally human. Even somewhat admirable.
It sounds like he's withdrawn from you a bit now, but he might be more worried about the drama that ensued than he was over the "gay factor" itself.
I am a dramatic lover. I know how difficult it is for my sweethearts to deal with that: how upsetting, time-consuming, energy-draining, and heart-breaking it can be.
So yeah, maybe he is backing off a bit, but maybe less because he disapproves of you, and more because you're so prepared to be disapproved of.
If he disapproves of you for being interested in boy-on-boy love, he's an asshole. Most likely a hypocrite: lesbians are the second most common sexual fantasy among men, after fantasies about dominant women.
So if he's being that way, I can bet he's not worth the worry. The week has given you enough time to feel connected and close, it's given you enough time to not want to lose him, but your health -- being with someone who approves of and accepts you -- is way more important than ANY relationship.
Still, check what he was really upset about. It's still probably a mass miscommunication. Ask him up-front: When we were playing 20-questions, and I said I liked the idea of two men having sex, were you upset? If so, why?
Then ... work from there.
If he says something like "That's just gross," ask if he thinks it's gross that you like the idea, or if it's gross because he wouldn't want to do it.
Ask if he was more upset about you liking that than he was about what happened afterward.
Depending on his answers, maybe you'll still want to be with him. If he decides to be a judgmental bastard, though, I really suggest that you don't bother.
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