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Teen Pregnancy
I don't know if this is the right category but here goes:
I am NOT pregnant.
I want to write a book writing about a teenage girl [15 or 16] that is pregnant and perhaps gets kicked out of her house. She's going to keep the baby, though.
But the information online just give the trite symptoms and things. What I would like to know are:
*Personal experience stories about being pregnant [teen or adult]
*How it affected you mentally, emotionally, and physically.
*How it affected the people around you [from the affected or the pregnant person'a point of view].
*What went through your mind when you found out you were pregnant.
*How you made the decision you made [adoption, abortion, keep the baby].
*What happened with the dad of the baby.
*What are the bads and goods?
*How did your daily schedule change?
I would just like to know things that are not able to be found easily online. I know this is really nosey and long but I would truly make this realistic. No, you don't have to answer all the questions. Anything would very much help =)
Thanks!!!
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Resources on teen pregnancy from the source - i.e. the pregnant teens, are not easy to come by! I found that out when I was pregnant 7 years ago, at the age of 16. The father was 18, and turned 19 while I was pregnant.
You ask a lot of big questions, but I'll do my best to relay my experience.
The father of my child was the first person I ever slept with, but we didn't get pregnant the first time. We weren't drunk or on drugs when I got pregnant, we simply weren't using a condom. I know it sounds stupid, but I don't think we really believed it would happen until it did. The timing of my period was off, and I wasn't sure if I was late or not, so I did a home pregnancy test, which turned out positive. We were a little bit excited, but mostly terrified I think. We waited a couple weeks to tell our parents. My father was understanding and supportive and told me that there would be a lot of difficult decisions ahead for me. My grandmother, a teen mother herself, said "it happens to the best of us." And my mother...was FURIOUS. She even tried to charge my boyfriend for statutory rape. Even though it was completely consensual sex, he was over 18 and I was underage. Thankfully, the law said that the person being charged had to be at least three years older, and he was only 2 years and a few months older than me.
My parents are divorced and I lived with my mother at the time. She didn't kick me out right away, but she didn't talk to me much for a couple weeks. My family is Catholic, so abortion was not an option for me (though I consider myself pro-choice now). I don't think I could ever have an abortion, but I believe everyone's situation is unique and they should have the option to make the right choice for themselves, their baby, and their situation. My boyfriend's family was very supportive and excited. They all assumed I was going to parent the child. My mother and her side of the family all expected me to put my child up for adoption.
I was excited about having a baby. It was so wonderful to see the sonogram, to hear the heartbeat, to feel the baby move and to just experience a healthy pregnancy. I had vomiting in the first trimester, but other than that the pregnancy went perfectly - physically. And I really wanted to be a mother to my child! I wanted to have all the things that a new mother should have: the happy family, a baby shower, a nursery for my baby, etc.
However, the circumstances made those things almost impossible. I was definitely NOT allowed to marry my boyfriend, or to move in with him. In retrospect, this was a good call that my parents made. My mother said that she would "support" me if I chose to parent or to do an adoption, either way. The catch is this: she said that if I chose to keep the baby, I would not be allowed to live with her in the house. My only other option, since I wasn't allowed to live with my boyfriend, was to live with my dad, who had moved out of state during my pregnancy. This made my decision extremely difficult. I really wanted to parent my child. And my boyfriend was with me 100%. But parenting would mean moving away from the only home I had ever known and dropping out of high school. And adoption would be incredibly difficult - plus, I didn't want to do an adoption because of all the pressure from my family to do one.
Emotionally, I was a complete wreck during my pregnancy. My mom hated my boyfriend. He and I fought a lot. Everyone - family, friends, even people I didn't know, had an opinion on what I should do about being 16 and pregnant! I didn't want everyone's opinions. I didn't want people telling me what to do. I just wanted to be left alone to think about what I needed to do for my baby. I also felt like, despite the fact that I was a teenage mother, I still deserved to have the happy events in the pregnancy that "normal" moms get to have (married, 20's or older, financially secure). But instead, I felt like everyone thought my life was ruined because I was going to have a baby! Ruined? No. Changed drastically? Yes. I just wished that there was more support for me to parent and still do the things I needed to do, like finish school. That was impossible without the help of parents, which I had, but only from my dad. Just because I was pregnant at 16 doesn't mean I didn't care about myself, my life, my grades, others around me, or didn't have goals and dreams. Above all, I wished people would stop treating my pregnancy like a traumatic event, when I just wanted everyone to be happy.
But I digress...So the father and I stayed together, though our relationship was rocky. There was one point where my mother walked in on us about to have sex (while I was pregnant) and she did kick me out of the house then. She dropped me off at my dad's house (this was before he moved out of state) with a giant garbage bag full of my stuff. I didn't go back for a couple weeks. When I did move back in with my mom, I was grounded for...six weeks I think. Not allowed to see the father of my child AT ALL during that time. I had to sneak telephone conversations with him when she wasn't home. My mother had many "what were you thinking" talks with me and even called me a bitch and a whore (this is coming from an extremely religious woman who doesn't curse!) Obviously, she wasn't dealing with things very well...
On the upside, since I was still learning to drive, she did take me to doctor's appointments. Though she was very upset with me much of those 9 months, she was concerned with my health and my baby's and wanted to make sure that I was taken care of in that aspect.
I also attended school during my pregnancy, and dropped out right before I had the baby. My friends were incredibly supportive, though somewhat sad at first to hear the news. I know there were nasty rumors circulating about me in my small high school once I started to show, but my friends were good enough to stand up for me. They were with me all the way and still hung out with me and came to the hospital when I had the baby. I tried to keep my daily routine since I didn't know what I was going to do - parent or adopt. I tried to keep up with all my homework, eat healthy, make sure I went to all my doctor appointments, and I also attended a support group at an agency for mothers considering adoption.
When it was time for me to have the baby I decided I wanted to just have me and my boyfriend in the room. We had been though so much, and I wanted us to be able to have our moment alone together in peace without others around. The birth was incredible. We had finally decided to put our baby up for adoption after it was born. When I saw my baby for the first time, I thought, "I can do this." As soon as her father held her though...he kept saying "I can't do this" as in, he couldn't go through with the adoption. The thought of letting my beautiful little baby go broke my heart. It was more than I could bear. With a newborn baby in my arms, it was easy to be swayed back to the choice to parent, so we did.
My life changed drastically. I moved out of state with the baby to live with my father. My boyfriend soon followed. Parenting was difficult, but I adored my child and was so happy to spend every minute being a mom. After a while, however, I really began to miss my life back home very terribly. I knew nobody in this new place and wasn't going to school. I began to study for my GED while my baby took naps. Things with my boyfriend, however, were not so good. We were having a really tough time getting along. Our fights got worse and worse and he wasn't making any money at his new job. Eventually, things just came to a boiling point. I missed home terribly, and I was beginning to really understand the reality of my situation: no high school diploma for me, a poor job for my boyfriend, and our relationship crumbling. I realized that the last thing I wanted for my baby was the life that we were in right then and there. I wanted my baby to have two parents who loved each other and who were going to be together no matter what. I wanted my child to have a family that was safe, secure, and stable. I could give my child as much love and care and attention as possible, but I couldn't give my baby all those other things. I grew up in a "broken home" and without much money. I see how my parents' problems and mistakes affected my life, and it wasn't in a good way (my therapist will tell you that!) I myself was an unplanned pregnancy for my parents, and I just saw the cycle repeating itself. And I knew that I had a lot of growing up to do if I wanted to be the mom I felt like my child deserved. So after four months of being a mom, I decided to put my child up for adoption after all.
I chose an open adoption, where I keep contact with the adoptive family. I even get to visit (in person!) with my child and the adoptive parents. The father of my child keeps in touch with them as well, though he and I have long since broken up and moved on. When I first met the adoptive parents, I knew I was doing the right thing. We had an instant connection and I knew that they were going to be the right people to love and care for my baby. The first time they met the baby they were just beaming and I knew it was a match made in heaven. And their gratitude is neverending...I feel so wonderful to know that I have been able to make this couple's dream of having a family come true. And they are doing an awesome job as parents!
I moved back home and finished high school. My principal was so understanding and even got me a tutor to help make up work that I had missed when I had dropped out. It was so good to be able to act like a teenager again without everyone trying to give me their opinion on what I should do! And it was a relief to know that my daughter would have a loving and stable family to grow up with - and I got to watch her grow up too, never wondering who she was with or what she looked like or if she might come looking for me one day, because I am still able to be a part of her life because of open adoption.
Well...I guess that's my story. I know it's incredibly long, but I hope it helps! Oh, and please don't think I'm pushing for your character to do an adoption, I'm just trying to be truthful and straightforward about my experience. I fully support girls who decide to parent. It's certainly not easy, but I admire them for being able to do it.
If you have any more questions for me, just ask! I'll be happy to help. Good luck with your story! I always love sharing mine.
-k
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I don't have a direct personal experience, but my mom and dad were pretty young when they had me.
My parents went to the same university. They were 19 and 20 when I was born, but they had been dating for a year and a half, and engaged for a year and a half after that. At about 7 months, my mom found out that she was pregnant, so she really didn't have much time to adjust.
Apparently, she was really worried about what my dad would say, but when she told him he was ecstatic. Her father pretty much disowned her (and still doesn't like me!), but her mother and my dad's mom (his father was dead at that point) were really happy for her.
She did have to make a decision, though. Being students, my parents had a really low income, just enough to support them. My mom said that she couldn't do an abortion, but she considered adoption. She said what stopped her from giving me up for adoption was thinking "Every time I go by a playground, I'm going to wonder which one is mine."
She and my dad got married the month before I was born... and they're still happily together, 20 years later!
I hope I helped a little bit.
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