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Best Friend
Ok. There probaly is someone with the same problem, but please dont tell me that. Im kind of in a hurry. My bestfriend is a guy. I hang out with him everyday and he even walks me to work everyday. I like him a lot, more than a friend, but I dont know how to tell him that. His best friend, who is also a really good friend of mine, is already aware of it. I am a 16 yr. old girl. The thing is, lets say he does like me back if i tell him. He is 15. I want to try to see if it works out, but I dont want to take the risk of everything being akward and losing him as a friend completely. All my old guy friends that I went out with ended up not staying friends cause things just got too akward. And plus since I am turning 17 soon, it's kind of a big deal for me. I kind of want to keep it a secret until we know its going to work between us. How can I tell him that if he does like me back? And all his friends are all friends of mine. Its hardly ever I get a crush. Basically guys think of me as one of the guys most of the time. And I am a tomboy. I do skateboard, and have a huge habit of spitting. Im afraid hell see me as that and nothing more. I barely hang out with girls and if I do, it usually ends up bad. I dont know why. Can you help me with that to. Please help me with these problems!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You're right, of course - other people do have this problem, though there is one thing that's different about yours, which is that you're older than he is. However, that's only a big deal if you make it one. Sure, it's more usual for the male to be the older one in a relationship, but who cares if you're a little different on that score? (Actually, some people will view it as a little odd, but frankly it's none of their business.)
Relationships that start off as friendships can be the best kind. You already know a little about each other, you know that you have common interests and you can stand being around each other. You also don't have to look for an excuse to get him alone to tell him how you feel, because it happens all the time. Think of your friendship as a head start, not a drawback.
Of course, as you say, there is risk involved. There is a chance he may not feel the same as you, or that he may simply have never thought of you like that before. And yes, if that's the case, it may make things awkward between you. Love always involves risk (and even if you wouldn't define your feelings for him as "Love" just yet, it carries some of the same risks and rewards).
How do you tell if he likes you? There are a couple of different ways, and which one you use depends on the kind of person you are and how you think he'd react. You can...
(1) Just be upfront and tell him. "You know, I consider you my best friend. I don't know if you picked up on this or not, but... lately, I've been feeling like we could be something more than that."
(2) Try a more subtle approach. Tell him that you wish you had a boyfriend, and describe the kind of guy you'd like to date - and in so doing, describe him. See how he reacts to that. You might also say things like, "You're the kind of guy who girls want to date." Compare other guys to him and say why he'd a better catch than they are.
(3) Show off the goods! Guys will be guys, and they like to see pretty girls. Try toning down the tomboy thing for a while - don't stop skating because that's part of who you are, but see if you can cut back on the spitting habit. If you don't wear makeup, start applying a little. If you typically wear guy's clothing, dress like a girl more often. While you're doing this, try standing a little closer to him, giving him casual touches on the hand or arm every so often, and get caught staring at him.
(4) Enlist your other friends to help. They may be enthusiastic about the idea of getting you two together.
That fourth item brings me to another thing you said, which is that you want to keep this a secret. I would strongly advise you NOT to do that, for the following reasons:
(1) He's your friend. You should be able to deal with each other honestly, and keeping a relationship between you a secret is inherently dishonest.
(2) You should not be ashamed of him, and by telling him you want to keep it secret, that's the message you'll be sending.
(3) You won't be able to keep it a secret anyway! These things have a way of getting out.
The bottom line is, he's your friend, and friends are honest with each other. If your feelings for him go beyond friendship, then you should tell him so. There is a risk if you tell him, but there's an even greater risk if you don't, because he's going to hook up with someone eventually and if it's not you, your friendship may not survive that either.
Good luck to you!
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Ok it seems like a big deal now (the age difference) but it doesnt have to be. Older couples (like in the 20s) always go out with way older poeple or young. it doesnt really matter...as long as he doesnt act immature then you shouldnt worry about the age. Now if it doesnt work out then since all your friends are his friends then you 2 will be putting all your friends in the middle of it. You shouldnt worry about that either cuz if it doesnt work out and all of the friends are hanging out...you 2 will want to talk if your together and not ignore eachother so youll work things out. But it seems like your possitve about him so try it...worry about the problems later(which there porbably wont be big problems anyways)
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