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Trust Issues and Friends Who Don't Trust
14/f
Okay, well, I know people get these a lot, but I really need help. I have friends, people that I think I can trust. They tell me things and I do not say anything else. I do not trash talk people I care about. I may say something neutral but never anything against that person.
I was talking with friends K and L. K was telling me one of our other friends, F, was probably making something up about her school life because she asked the people in the Jr. High if they ever talked to F and they said no. L agreed and said "J was mean to her though, we all know that." I replied with "Maybe J told her all those people were mean to her and she believed it, that was why she said it."
Well, the next day I find that F is angry at me for something. I try to ask her, but she is very stubborn and refuses to talk to me (though I've told her time and time again she has to TELL me when someone says I did something wrong). So apparently L said something about what we were talking about the day before. And I have a feeling it's a lie because <i>who would get mad at what I really said</i>.
Now this has happened before. People have told F something and she'd gotten pissed off at me, and I tell her what really happened. I'm a very emotional person (hormone problems) and that day I realized that I am <i>sick</i> of apologizing and trying to make things right with her. If she can't trust me when I do nothing wrong, or when she can't see two sides of a story, then I shouldn't have a friend like that. Same with L, who for some odd reason has confidence issues. You say something in confidence and suddenly its turned around and said to someone.
I started to fidget and get mad (I got so angry I started biting myself and scratching to stop from crying in class) and I just told them "I'm sick of this" and left the class with teacher permission. I've told the story to my mother, father, grandmother, counselor, and nurse who caught me on my way home (the counselor sent me home because I started crying uncontrollably). Then when I got home, I saw that F left me a message.
"Hi, uh, C. Yeah, L told me what you and K said about me and frankly I don't appreciate it. Don't call me again, because I need true friends."
Trust me, I was PISSED. Not only does SHE know L twists things around but she's accusing me of doing something on a message and not bothering to ask me about it. I wanted to say something back, but I don't so that.
Mom says that I should just forget them. But I want something not rude to say back to them to show that I don't like what they said about me. This is all I want. The story was to get a better feel. This all has happened before, and frankly I'm damn sick of it. And I want them to know it without sinking to their level.
But nothing too sweet and apologetic sounding.
Can anyone give me that?
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I'll be honest with you and say that I had got a little lost in the story about what happen... are they saying that they don't trust you or something?
Trust is a very fragile thing - takes a long time to earn and can be lost in the blink of an eye. I had a couple of friends just like you who I trusted a lot until I found out they had both been talking about me and about things I had told them incomplete confidence to other people. The funny thing is I had told each of them different things so when everyone knew both those things it was very obvious who had been talking (since I knew and one of them knew). They lost my trust that day and I have never spoken to them about anything like that ever again. I tolerate them as far as talking to them goes and I keep things civil but that's about as far as it goes - they'd never earn my trust back again.
I think when people said to forget about them they are right - you don't need friends like that at all. If you need to say something to them then jus say what what's on your mind. That if they were real friends thay'd have ome to you to talk to you about it instead of just pointing fingers at you and then alienating you. They obviously have no idea what friendship and trust is about and with the number of times it's happen you're not willing to put up with it anymore - you deserve better friends than that.
That might be a good thing to say or at least something like that. At the end of the day you don't even need to say anything but I really don't think you'll have any problems finding some really good friends out there with how you are. :] Just dont let those two get to you - they ain't worth it.
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