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my life is falling
my life is falling apart in hate~13/f mad as hell without my friends. i went to a party. my bffs are a guy joe and a girl jill. so im with them alot. joe and i love eachother so i thought. it was drama for jill so I just went with her. i keep everything in i have no real emotions i even went to the doctor they dono why. The guy she likes danced with everyother girl and asked me i told him off. Joe my bff was ignoring me and dancing with everyother girl too. she cried for tom. i ignored joe. they thought it was funny if they both did try to make us mad. but he was trying to make me jelous tom even said. but joe wouldnt even talk to me at all 2 bffs not even saying a word at a 6 hour party. who in a 6 hours would usually talk so much. i love him but hate him so much! his bday is today and for my bday he was counting down and everything and said he missed me. but for his bday i dont know what to do. i hate him so much right now! he danced with every girl even 2 of my real close friends. their gothic to he even said they scare him. if they scare him he had enough nerve to dance with the only 2 people in the junior high who freak him out. to hurt me. i have 4 bffs I guess and out of the 4 its him and jill and other 2 he danced with. im going threw alot even before the party im loseing everything and alot of people in fights deaths and everything. out of my relative i knew 19 died so far i deal with deaths well. but my only cousin who ever understood me is now gone forever and never coming back. I have 6 friends i think counting them 4. but i dont even know now. becuz if he went threw so much to hurt me enough to make me cry he has never ever made me or even seen me cry in the 2 years of being bffs and even before that. joe and jill are everything to me their my 2 bffs i dono what id die without them. infact dead right nowthey saved my life from suicide at the very moment with the gun to my head. im crying my eyes out now. with my favorite songs 'i hate everything about you' and 'pain' by 3 days grace explain me. bff of 2 years wouldnt do this to each other whats wrong? why would he try to hurt me? i told him in person i like him he told me he loved me. is that what all guys do? how do i change it? what do i do for his bday? why dance with the only people who scare him so badly to make me mad? why ignore me? how do i ask him? and anything else i forgot. all the hate i go threw with parents cousins friends enemies and now my bff the last person i have other than my other bff and 2 other friends. but out of everything in my life i care about him. its drivin me crazy! I really need help all the hate I deal with daily im losing all I got to live for. I didn’t kill myself last year because he said he would miss me and die by my grave. So many people die from suicide and cancer for me id be nothing new but it would be a first for him. He saved my life. Now its back at the beginning and might happen again.
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alright, alright.
hold on -- i gotta read this again.
lol, i'm slow. sorryy.
okay, i got it.
well, if he's trying to make you jealous, he must care for you some how to even do that. i have a guy friend who did that -- turns out, he liked me.
never think three bad things in a row. once you get on the third one -- think about something happy or just change the subject or whatever in your head. think about other people & compare your lives to theirs, it really can help you put things a different perspective. try & volunteer places & help other people -- it makes you feel good about yourself.
even though this may be hard, instead of staying home, go out & do something. like, go shopping or go see a movie or go get ice cream or go get your nails done. & it doesn't have to be with friends, simply go with your mom.
guys are confusing. lol, i'm guessing that he likes you & wasn't sure if you liked him, so he was just testing you when he was dancing with the other girls. he probably didn't care who he was dancing with, he just wanted to see your reaction.
just flat out ask him. i mean, if he told you, he probably does.
for his party, just go. you can ask him about it there. =]
good luck!
i used to be in your situation kind of, so let me know if you need anything else.
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