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my life is falling apart for the second time
my life is falling apart in hate~13/f mad as hell gothic going crazy without my friends. i went to a party. my bffs are a guy joe and a girl jill. so im with them alot. joe and i love eachother so i thought. it was drama for jill so I just went with her. i keep everything in i have no real emotions. The guy she likes danced with everyother girl. Joe my bff was ignoring me and dancing with everyother girl too. she cried for tom. i ignored joe. but he was trying to make me jelous tom even said. but joe wouldnt even talk to me at all 2 bffs not even saying a word at a 6 hour party. who in a 6 hours would usually talk so much. i love him but hate him so much! his bday is today and for my bday he was counting down and everything and said he missed me. but for his bday i dont know what to do. i hate him so much right now! he danced with every girl even 2 of my real close friends. their gothic to he even said they scare him. if they scare him he had enough nerve to dance with the only 2 people in the junior high who freak him out. to hurt me. i have 4 bffs I guess and out of the 4 its him and jill and other 2 he danced with. im going threw alot even before the party im loseing everything. I have 6 friends i think counting them 4. but i dont even know now. becuz if he went threw so much to hurt me enough to make me cry he has never ever made me or even seen me cry in the 2 years of being bffs and even before that. joe and jill are everything to me their my 2 bffs i dono what id do w/o them. im crying my eyes out now. out of my favorite songs 'i hate everything about you' and 'pain' by 3 days grace explain me. bff of 2 years wouldnt do this to each other whats wrong? why would he try to hurt me? i told him in person i like him he told me he loved me. is that what all guys do? how do i change it? what do i do for his bday? why dance with the only people who scare him so badly make me mad? why ignore me? how do i ask him? and anything else i forgot. all the hate i go threw with parents cousins friends enemies strangers and now my bff the last person i have other than my other bff and 2 other friends. but out of everything in my life i care about him. its drivin me crazy! I really need help all the hate I deal with daily im losing all I got to live for. I didn’t kill myself last year because he said he would miss me and die and be by my grave. So many people die from suicide for me id be nothing new but it would be a first for him. He saved my life. Now its back at the beginning and might happen again.
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Ok ignore imapozer911!! Seriously who gives a $h!t!!
Note to imapozer911: W - T - F?!?! who cares about that man!!
And what EdwardCullenLuver said doesn't matter:S
Anyways back to you! =( what i think you should do is talk to him! Tell him that you were pissed off because he had the urge to dance with 2 people that he's scared of and he'd go that far just to get you mad or jealous. Anyways talk to him, wish him a happy birthday and wish him all the best. Tell him how you feel. Even though you might not like to express your feelings to him. You can write it all in a note keeping it simple and straight forward. And when everything is sorted out (i hope in a very good way) then go out together and celebrate his birthday! :D *dancing; dinner; movie;etc.*
But if it doesn't end up the way you want it to be....then forget about him and try to find new friends! Meet new guys; new people! And you shouldn't depend your life on a guy and live only for him! There might be a lot of things out there that you are missing out on..and a lot of guys..;) think about it..I know you care a lot about Joe; see how that goes, if not too well then think about it hehe..
Another thing, i'm sorry to say this but boys aren't worth ending your life. If it doesn't work out between you and joe then it really isn't the end of the world! So what if your life sucks and you hate everyone! So what if you go through a whole lot of shit and feel the same pain every single day! Cry every night...cut yourself watever you do! (no offence or anything im just listing here) A lot of people do it too!! But I don't think that suicide is going to help, i really don't think it's the answer here! There are so many other ways to face these problems! You just need to be open to them and ready to do whatever it takes!! You have to be strong enough to face it... and im sure your friends will help you...or your family! and plus you'd be causing pain to a lot of people who care about you if you choose to end your life, and trust me there are people who care about you. Even if you don't feel that way; even if your gothic, so what? big deal! There's still many out there who love you and are willing to stay by your side!!
Anyways i don't know if i helped! Tell me what you're going to do! And tell me what happens!! I want to know! Anyways if you need someone to talk to or anything else! I'm here for you ask me anything! Anyways take care! Hope i helped..i want to hear from you soon!! =D
Note to everyone: people if you don't have any advice or something good to say then don't answer :S we don't want to make people feel worse!
Edit: (this is a reply to the feedback) Hey there! About the cutting! I seriously prefer that you stop! You might not want to but please try! check out this website
Anyone can help you! I honestly don't know how i can help you! I never went through something like this before! =( but i strongly suggest you stop before it gets really out of hand! And you'll get used to it and it'll get worse!
About your mom, It seems to me that you and your mom don't have a good relationship! Anyways i'm just curious why was she angry and shouting at you? What are the common problems between you guys? Is it only becasue that your gothic or are there other reasons? Whatever they are, i think that you guys should sit down and have a calm discussion! You guys need to stop arguing and fix your problems with each other! Like try to build up a good relationship with her! And that would probably help you alot! I mean if it works then she's probably wouldn't mind you getting involved with a guy friend! And things would go waaaay easier! She wouldn't think about sending you to military or to a counselor daily!
Now about Joe, its good that you sent an email, cuz it shows that you care about him enough to say happy bday! but the fact its an email is like a sign for saying that ur upset with him! i know he's your best friend and your probably thinking that you can't afford to lose him!
How about you talk to him first, and tell him how it really hurt you to see him dancing with the two other girl...And honey!! Things probably seem pretty bad now because you feel like you're losing your friends! But i think that they'll get better! As i said before try to meet new people! you know meet some new friends! And plus i'm here if you want to talk more! ;) Anyways hope that helped! Talk to me again! =D I'm happy to listen and give advice! Take care! If you want give me your email address and i'll add you! Then it'll be easier! =D <3
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