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I want to be friends with someone I don't know at all....
Okay so this is a little hard to explain. I kind of have a crush on a guy I don't know. He works at my local coffeehouse and we've talk a few times (other than the mandatory, 'what would you like today?') He's a few years older than me.
Basically, I just want to be his friend, for now. I don't know how I could do this, though. Could anyone give me suggestions on how you would go about befriending someone like that?
15/f
If you need more information to give me advice...
AIM = christine iii
MSN = maroulisfan@gmail.com
Thanks a lot. :)
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In order to really make a connection with him, you're probably going to have to meet with him outside his place of work. Most people adopt a slightly different attitude at work than they do when they're on their own time, especially in customer service, because there is a need for a certain degree of professionalism and detachment. To put it bluntly, he's required to smile and tell people to Have A Nice Day even when he hates their guts.
So, if you really want to get to know him, you're going to have to find some way to see him somewhere besides the coffee shop. However, if you're too direct about that, then he will assume that you want a relationship (which I imagine you do, eventually, but you want to start off slow and maybe see if he really is as cool as you think he is). So, what you need to do is just keep chatting with him whenever you go to get coffee. Make it a point to ask him how his day's been, just small talk, but try to make the conversation last a little longer each time. Make yourself his favorite customer, in other words.
Of course, this still doesn't get you outside the coffee shop together. For that, you'll need a little luck and perhaps some good planning. What you need to do is cross his path somewhere outside the shop, and then be totally glad to see him. Depending on where you meet, you could suggest that the two of you have lunch or play frisbee or whatever's appropriate for where you happen to be at the time (suggestion - don't say, "Let's go get some coffee.")
That's how friendships start - by doing things together. And that's how you'll start one with him.
One more thing, though. If you do want this to become something more than friends eventually, don't wait too long! Guys tend to decide fairly early on whether a girl is someone they want to date or not, and if you want to be in the first category, you will need to capture his interest almost from moment one. If he gets the idea in his head that "friends" is all you'll ever be, it will be very hard for you to make the transition later on.
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You have to understand he's just a normal person like anyone else. Treat the situation (speaking with him) like you would do with a friend you already have. Ask him about his interests the next time he comes in and you have a moment to spare from your work.
Tell him you find your conversations very interesting and ask if he would like to hang out some time when you aren't working. Give him a slip of paper with your e-mail, phone info etc and press it into his hand. Then you wait. See what happens.
This is the easiest way to become his friend or someone he dates without being rejected or feeling heartbroken. He might just have a girlfriend so this way of finding out isn't messy.
What you could also do is tell him a group of friends are going to a movie or hanging out and that you feel he would really fit in with you or you pals. See how he responds to it.
You could even approach him at work if he's sitting down and tell him you appreciate his views and for talking to you. Ask him what he would think of being pals outside of work.
The fact of the matter is guys are just as petrified about doing any of this as you are. Even if he rejected you he would appreciate your guts. The problem is you need to make a move as he might not and if that happened you would never know.
My hunch is he likes you back but is still evaluating what to do. Trust me, most guys might be nice to their coffee server as they make a drink but few will stop and actually have a conversation that drags out more than once.
He's probably testing the waters wih you and likely single. Unless I'm interested in a girl who works at the local coffee joint all I'm going to do is buy coffee and get out of there. There's something he likes about you or he wouldn't bother.
Just approach him like any other friend you have and start talking again and ask if he can hang out or wants to be friends as you like being around him. Odds are both of you will feel releaved after and will be friends if not more.
Hon, if you want something like this you have to go after it and just do it! There's no other way as you cannot bank on him approaching you first. Just be the same girl he's always chatted with and follow the ideas above.
I guarentee you that if you do that nothing bad will happen. You've heard the word "no" before from people so unless he's a jerk all he can react is yes or no.
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