|
humorist-workshop
Hey its Tristan
So my X called me on tues sounding really bummed and I could just kind of tell from the tone in his voice that something was wrong & i asked what was wrong repeatadly and he finaly said "I just miss you a bit... okae alotta bit" i was like whoa.. totally caught off guard & i said nothing about it i just changed the subject. I miss him so much & in a way im glad i didn't tell him that i missed him yet im sad because he doesnt know what he misses.. misses him in return. I just don't want him to think by him telling me he misses me "alotta bit" is going to get me back. His roommate told me theres been 2 nights where he is almost about to cry himself to sleep. && now at night he's moping around. I dont know what to do.. I feel bad because I love him but he hurt me && now he's finally getting a taste of what lifes like without tristan... He also asked me wht i was doing on v-day on wed. && he told me he almost had to work && that he would have been mad if he did then asked me again what i was doing && he said oh im doing nothing to. i have the day off. i dont know if he was hinting something at me or not. Anyways he called me 3 times the next day to keep me updated on this guy he's practically stalking me (my x told this guy to leave me alone) but i dont know i really just dont want to get hurt again... at least not again from him.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I totally understand. And I think you just answered your own question. When you talk to hi, you think: "Oh I wish I could go back to him" because that's what feels normal to you. You were with him for 21 months right? Thats a long time. A lot of times where you hugged and felt safe, but then he hurt you. Therefore he isnt as safe anymore. But sometimes you think, "hey, just because it's not safe anymore, doesnt mean I can't still be with him." But you're already correcting yourself, because you figured it out, you know that he is capable of hurting you again, so even though you know he wants you back and thats the easy way out, he could do it again three months from now.
I know you feel sorry for him, and your first reaction is to stop hurting him, but you can't do that, because that gives him the right to hurt you again. And you don't want that.
Think of it this way, there are millions of great guys out there for you. Sure he was a great guy, but he had his turn. He took a nice long ride on the tristan train (lol) and now its time for him to get off, and it's time for you to get off the train too. Sure it was a nice warm train with some really great times, but now it's time to get off and have some really great times off the train. Of all the guys you can date before you get old and married, he's only one. And yeah, theres always the possibility that he's "the one" but sometimes theres more that just one. Like I like chocolate ice cream, but after awhile, sometimes I want some vanilla, so it's my second favourite flavour, and sometimes I order vanilla, because it's time for change. And change can be good. The only thing that keeps us from change is the fear of getting off the train. And tristan, it's time to get off the train.
It really sucks, but you know it's time, you feel it inside, you wouldnt be questioning it if you didn't.
So last time we talked, I recommended that you don't date anyone for a while, because you felt so bad when you heard he was moving on, well I still think that it's best for you not to date, but I also think that its important for you to either A) get out and do something on V-day. Whether its going to the mall with friends or seeing a funny movie, or B) rent a great movie and take a bubble bath and light some candles. You know relax and do soemthing that makes you happy, and if he asked what you're doing, then say oh, I'm just hanging out, watching some movies or hanging with friends. And then you don't have to make him feel bad because you're moving on, because you're actually not, you're still the same old girl but you're making time for other things in your life than just hanging out with him.
Also everytime you ask me a question I try to come up with a new way for you to get over him, because as we know already, it's not going to be something where you go to bed tonight and the next morning you're ready to move on and date some new guys, so heres another one I thought of:
Well I was reading this book once, where this girl had a rock garden, and she had like 20 rocks, and she would take one out each day that something good happened to her, and so I was thinking, you should go to the dollarstore and buy like a huge bag of pretty marbles, and then everyday that something good happens put a marble in a jar, and everytime he calls and you want to get back together with him, then take the marble out. Yeah sometimes you wont have any marbles, and thats when life is rough right? Well thats okay, because we have those days, but if you keep a check on it, and think of the good things that happen in your life, not jsut the bad ones, it helps you to appreciate life. And you start to think about the bad things too right? And that way you can start to realize that even though he isnt dating you anymore, he still has control over you. And over your emotions right? And you need to find a way to take back control. You know it's time to get off the train, but he wont let you. And you need to find a different way off. But thats up to you to figure out. If you need some help, I'll think about it a bit more and see if I can find a way for you to get the message across to him.
AS far as the stalker part, I was a little confused, so if you ask me another question can you explain that a bit more, I couldnt tell if you were annoyed with your ex for being a stalker, or if theres an actually person stalking you, and that your ex is like warding him off. Well either way, I think that you need to get control over that situation, whether it's because the stalker is being warded off by your ex, or because your ex is the stalker, it's not healthy to have your ex protecting you. Or stalking you. But if you want to talk about that more, we can.
As far as what to say when you talk to him next time, theres no one answer to that question, but try to change the subject and make it sound liek you're there to talk and be his friend, but nothing more.
I think I answered your question, but you know where to find me if you need more help! Love ya,
Angie91
]
More Questions: |