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i didnt know what to put this under but i need serious help!
i dont know whats wrong with me i been just acting weird! im afraid of death and thats all i seem to think about! when i get into a car i pray that we make it back alive and safe when im gone away from my mother i pray that she's ok and that nothing happens while im gone! i love my mother to death she is my everything my world and i would seriously go crazy if something was to happen to her! i do believe in GOD he is also a big part of my life even though i dont go to church anymore i trust him with my life! but my problem is that i was told by a verity of people that i was bipolar and at first i just laughed it off but now im starting to think that i really am and its gettin the best of me! i have a boyfriend that is so annoying but i love him we been together off in on for almost 10 months and he puts me through alot of things that makes me sad and mad sometimes but i get over it because we always seem to work things out but i have to much stress to deal with! my mom has alot of health problems and im just scared that she's going to leave me on this hell hole called earth by myself! i do have friends that i love so trust me im not lonely but she's my everything i got so close to her that im scard to let go! but then its a twist they always say the one that worries the most is the first to go and thats me im also scared that i may die and leave her here by her self! i kno i have a better chance of leaving on this earth without her than the other way around! im scared to death i cry every night and i read the bible to make me feel better but it dont always help! everything is so depressing and crazy! i dont want her to die and leave me but then i dont want to die and leave her! i dont know if im going to heaven or hell i dont even know how im going to die or how she's going to die! i dont kno if its going to be painful if we going to die together or if i would live another second! i dont kno if my boyfriend loves me like he said before because he treats me different! my mom is having surgery and i dont even know if she would live to have that happen! im confused about everything and scared at the same time i cant talk to my friend because some of them dont know what the other may know! i dont know who to turn to and i dont know why im feeling this way! i need help i think i may be depressed! im not going to kill myself for the simple fact that i cant be without my mom! i thought i was going to be doing better this year but it seems not! im just going crazy! my birthday is this summer and im going to be 16 and she is planning so much stuff but she wont tell me and everytime somebody plans things for a big day something bad always happen! i dont know what but im afraid i may die before that day or she may die but anyway it goes i need serious help because im losing my mind i dont act different around people so they wont ask me things but she can tell that im not the same! since i think about death will i be the first to go? PLZ HELP ME i dont know what to do i need help ASAP!!! plz!!!!!!!
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Talk to your mom about your concerns. No one can diagnose you online for bipolar. You need to go to a physician for that. It sounds like you are under a lot of stress, so please talk to someone you love and trust about it soon.
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Yikes. You have an obvious case of anxiety disorder. Whether or not you're bipolar, I can't tell. What I can tell is that you need to see a PSYCHIATRIST, not a psychologist or a counselor. Your symptoms are bad enough that they are affecting your life, causing thoughts of death and suicide, and making you pretend to be something you're not (calm) so you don't worry others. You most likely have a medical condition which can be eased with the help of a good psychiatrist.
Don't be afraid to see a psychiatrist. Our thoughts and emotions are affected by the physical problems in our brains. The only people who can be sure they will never need help are those without thoughts or emotions. Why should you suffer like this? Tell your mom you need to see a doctor immediately and either see or get a referral to a psychiatrist. They are medical doctors and they are kind, helpful people, not people who want to judge you, lock you up, drug you, or make your life more difficult.
Good luck, dear.
Sabine
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