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Final Answer
My friend Rebecca never goes by the final answer on something. She is always fixated on the original comment whether it was made an hour ago, a day ago, a month ago, etc. For example: when her mother originally said:; Rebecca you are very thin, I am concerned, I dont want you to lose weight;. However, Rebecca totally ignores the fact that her mother said as her final answer; No I dont think you should gain I just think you should not lose;. MY QUESTIONS: (1) Do you know why Rebecca refuses to go by the final answer; (2) And how does she accept the final answer and not go by the original comment? Thanks
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i'm not really sure why but it can just be that she thinks of it as the first thing that comes out of your mouth is what you really think, which can be true. like you know how if you ask someone if you...say...look good in something? well they don't think you do so they say that. but then you get upset so they take it back. but it doesn't really change thier mind.
i would just kind of watch what you say around her. not make it sound too offensive since obviously she's a little sensitive. and i'd explain what she does to her ane point it out when she does it.
hope that helps a little. :)
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1. Well as I read both comments, the 2nd doesn't seem to invalidate the 1st. If anything, it sounds like the Mother is trying to tone down her comments for the daughters benefit, likely because the daughter didn't like what her mother had to say. I feel that a lot of the 'gist' of the first comment is implied in the 2nd, though I am guessing the mother changed to the 2nd comment to make it more palatable. If I was "Rebecca", I'd likely do the same thing, realize that these two positions are not exclusive of each other, and I would still be leery of #1. I too might refuse to accept #2, as doing so leaves the door wide open for future pushes by her mother along the lines of #1. Put simply, agreeing that she shouldn't lose weight is giving away much of the argument, and comments like "you are very thin" is right around the corner in that case.
2. Well thats not an easy fix, and there isn't any easy answer. Most likely she'll have to either become comfortable with the fact that she might be too thin, or at least accept that other people will feel this way. Though if the comment were easy to accept, and if it wasn't simply a different way of expressing the mothers feelings (which doesn't sound like it has changed betweeen comments), that might work too.
In the end the same core message is present: You are thin. Saying "I dont think you should gain weight" is like sugar-coating the idea that there IS a weight problem here. While "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down", the daughter doesn't sound like a fool, and realizes that there is still some measure of "medicine" involved here.
I'm not saying the mother is wrong in any case though.
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