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Engagement
I am 20 years old and have been in a relationship for 5 years. I have been telling him for years that I really want to marry him. I knew he wasn't ready so I just kept telling him that I wanted a ring and we could have a long engagement. I was really hung up on getting a ring until recently when I realized I could wait and told him that I'd rather he just start saving so when we are ready it wouldn't be such a financial strain. I told him for our upcoming anniversary the only gift I would like is a receipt from the bank showing he deposited money in his savings account.
We just celebrated our 5 year anniversary with dinner at home in our pajamas. It was very casual so we were just going to watch a movie after dinner when he surprised me with a ring. I was shocked, to say the least. I didn't say anything at first and then just started saying oh my god over and over again. I said yes but didn't feel comfortable really. Then I thought about telling people and I got really uncomfortable, and he could tell. Long story short, we decided that I would keep the ring and when I'm ready I'll ask him to put it on me.
Here is my dilemma: I have watched my mother go through three divorces and has since settled with a man whom I don't believe she is truly happy with. I'm wondering if I'm destined to be like her. Will I end up divorced like her? Will I never find true happiness? Do I already have true happiness and not really realize it?
The other side of this is my father. He has been making comments for the past year about whether I'm missing out on a lot by being in a long term relationship so young. I'm worried that down the road I will regret it.
Do I have a great thing and I'm just spending too much time worrying about the what-ifs?
I feel horrible for pressuring him into this and then making a big mess out of it all.
I've only told my mother and my priest because I don't want others to know this- it's personal.
I'd appreciate any advice or input on the situation.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Dear Lucky Girl,
I'm calling you Lucky because you dont know how lucky you are to find someone you love at such a young age. If you are truely happy with this person and that you seriously want to spend the rest of your life with him, and that you cant imagine it with anyone else, then you've made the right choice. Your mom may have gone through tough times, but that doesnt mean you will. You both lead seperate lives, made different mistakes and maybe she just hasnt learned from them. You on the other hand are lucky, and believe it because you are. Your dad is just concerned for you, but really, if you love this guy that you're with, then really, you arent missing out on anything because everything is right in front of you. Marriage is a big step, only take it if you really think and know that your ready for it. Because if you only think that you're ready, you may end up like your mom.
But really, I dont think that you're destined to be like her. I really dont.
Let me know how things turn out. Good luck and happy days.
Sincerly,
Lisa xox
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5 years is a long time. Plenty long enough to know
if you want this guy around forever or not.
Marriage should be a lifetime commitment as you already know. You can't predict the future but it doesn't have to be a disaster!
Its also a big step and sometimes a scary one. Having doubts is natural. That's where the term getting cold feet a few days before a wedding comes from!
Be honest with yourself. Do you feel like you are missing something by being in this relationship? If not, then you probably won't in the future. You could, but probably not.
Does he make you happy? Are you glad to see him come home?
What changed between the time you thought you were ready and the time he decided he was?
Let me tell you this. I have been married to my husband since we were 17. If anything were to happen to him I would be totally lost. He is my friend, the one I tell dreams to and share secrets with. We have been married 31 years. We have had our share of problems but we work them out. We work on it all the time. You have to.
If you feel about your guy that way, don't let him get away. Hold him with both arms as tight as you can and don't let him slip away.
If you don't feel that way then best to move on
because times a wasting!
Good luck with all this. I hope it works out the way you want it to. :)
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