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Is she a backstabber or is he?
So, I'm 16/f and I dated this boy for 5 months. I honest to god think I loved him. He didn't like that I really wanted to take things kind of slow and he wanted alot of physical interaction. The thing was, he didn't talk to me in person. He blamed it on being nervous or not knowing what to say. I tried really hard to get him to talk to me, but I always felt like I was talking to myself. He's a cute guy, but doesnt always take things as seriously as he should and I used to get mad at him for goofing off too much. Anyways, This new girl moved here and I noticed my boy flirting with her for about 3 weeks, but during those three weeks, me and him were closer than ever. This girl was my really good friend because we're alot alike (we have the same additude, think very much alike, and act alike). Anyways, she knew how I felt about my boyfriend and stuff. Well, My boyfriend broke up with me and two days later he was ALL OVER HER. I got really upset and no one really understood why I was mad at her because "she cant help who she likes". Well now they're dating and sometimes I think I'm still in love with him, but sometimes I dont.
Would it be wrong of me to be mad at her for a while? Should I be more mad at him? What do I do if I love him? Seriously, I need real good advice.
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No one can blame you for feeling mad. You are entitled to own whatever feelings you wish to hold. Just don't hold onto negative feelings for long, because they do you harm. Five months is a long time at your age or any age to date. It sounds like he was already not the best guy for you, and his moving on quickly to a newer version of you, only proves his immaturity. I bet they don't last five months, but that is not important. Rejection always hurts the ego, but you know deep down he is not the one you are going to marry. So, move on and start dating for fun and start making new friends, ones that will respect you more than this girl did. It just is not cool what she did, but it is something that immature and insecure girls sometimes do. She may not even like him that much, but has a need to compete with you and prove she is as good as you by taking your guy. You are lucky to be rid of both of them. We cannot help our attractions, but we do choose what we do about them. She did not even consider your feelings and is very selfish. Move on!!!
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Hey,
Well, there are many possible reasons for why he dumped you for her. Like you said, he really wanted to be physical, and you didnt really, so he decided to move on, he was a jerk about it, no doubt, but some people, would have to say that he did the right thing. You know? Like he would rather be happy, and date someone else, than stay in a relationship he wasnt excited about (not that is your fault at all, you didn't do anything wrong, but it isnt really right to blame him for leaving you, but I don't think that was why you were upset.). However, the fact that he moved on so fast is quite rude.
As far as whether or not you should be mad at her, you can't control your emotions like that, as much as you wish you could, its not possible. If you're upset with someone you're upset with them. If you want to know whether or not you have cause to be upset, thats a hard question, its not her fault that he flirted with her, or that he asked her out, but if she was a true friend(or if he was a sensitive ex) she wouldnt have said yes (and he wouldnt have asked her) but some people don't live up to expectation.
So basically, to answer your questions, its not wrong to be mad at someone, so yeah, be upset with her, she isn't being a very nice friend.
Should you be more mad at him? You can't force yourself to be angry with someone, either you are mad or you arent, or you're somewhere in between, and only time will change that.
What do you do if you love him? well what is there to do? You can love someone with out them knowing, it just sucks. If I were you, I would try and move on, which will be hard, but he has moved on, so it is probably best that you do as well. If you need some tips on moving on, just ask. I'd be happy to help you with that but this answer is getting quite long. I hope that I gave you some helpful advice, and if you have anymore questions I'm here to help! Lots of Love!
Angie91
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I noticed that you asking if you should be mad at whoever. You don’t need to justify your own emotions to anyone as long as you don’t act rashly on them. You have the right to be angry or impartial towards anyone you feel like.
Concerning your question, I would be absolutely furious at her. I probably wouldn’t talk to her again for a while. A girl going out with a girlfriend’s ex is one of the biggest forms of betrayal. I’m not even going to start about the fact that you’re all sixteen and she should realize that guys come and go but true friends will stick by you forever. She can’t help who she likes, like I said, she doesn’t have to justify her emotions but she is responsible for the actions she takes. She could have liked him but dismissed him as a simple crush and been loyal to you but she didn’t. The only reason that a lot of people don’t understand why you’re angry is probably because they haven’t taken the time to empathize with you. How would they feel towards a good friend who started going out with someone they haven’t gotten over yet? Don’t be bothered by what they think, if the same thing happened to them, I doubt they’d act half as rational as you are.
At the same time, although he is the one who originally left you, you might not feel as angry towards him because you’re still in love with him. You think of her as someone who dragged him away and it’s human nature to not think the situation in terms of the fact that he left you for her. He might not be totally to blame for the matter (maybe he might have stayed with you if the new girl didn’t enter the picture) but he’s definitely to blame for a huge part of it.
I hate to tell you this, but in the long run, it was better for you that he left you. You can’t change who you love but I know guys like him. He might look like a 16 year old but in essence, he has the mind of an immature 12-year-old boy, who hasn’t quite gotten the scope on everything. He spent all his time trying to be physical with you and when he started getting bothered by you trying to get him to grow up, he jumped to the next best thing; someone who was almost exactly like you but didn’t know him well enough to figure out how childish he was.
This is my prediction, they’ll be going out for a while and then she’ll start bugging him about his immaturity at which point he’ll leave her for someone else, or they’ll be going out for a while and she’ll never say anything to him about his immaturity, they’re relationship will be purely physical and eventually she’ll dump him.
As for you, you’ll move on too. You might keep a part of him with you but over a few months or years you’ll find someone else and he might not be the one you’ll stay with forever but he’ll be someone else. You’ll probably hurt for a bit and hate him and miss him sometimes but you’ll get over him and look back at these days and smile at yourself and thank god that you had broken up before it had gotten any worse.
Don’t beat yourself up about it anymore, just take a deep breath and head on out.
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