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having b/f troubles who isnt
i have this problem with being emotionally dead inside. i dont really tell that many people this but i told him that most of the time i know what emotion im supposed to feel so i pretend to feel that emotion. when i told him i didnt think that he would ask but he did he asked if i really meant it when i said i love you and i said i dont know cause i really dont. like i dont have a the love emotion in my body i dont even really like actually anyone not even my famiy even though i really like spending time with them and i get along with them great but i dont actually love them. i dont have a space thats empty that needs to be filled with love i just dont have love programed in my brain. and i have felt like shit ever since thats happened. he keeps saying i love you and i feel like i should sya it back but all i can think is that if i sya all hell think is that oh well she doesnt really meant it she is just is syaing it cause she feels like she is supposed to it. i dont know what to do cause it seems like he is really sad ever since i told im that. should i tell him that i just dont have love for anyone i think it just programed into to me or what? please help me cause i feel like the worst person on this freakin planet. thank you for any advice u can give me. sorry if that made no sense i tried but i wasnt quite sur ehow to say it.
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You are not emotionally dead, and the proof is in your deep concern for hurting your boyfriend's feelings. Some families do not easily express emotions and you were raised not to show them as much as some others do. Everyone has the potential to love, but it takes effort and trust. This is something that is worth looking into, so that you will develop the connections with others you care about on a more intimate and deep level. It may not come natural, because you were not raised in an environment that encouraged you to seek out how you feel and identify those emotions. They are there inside, but they have been blocked and are waiting for the right environment to safely develop. Think of a plant in a small pot. It will only grow so much, because it is limited by its environment. The owner of the plant may care for the plant and water it and give it sunshine, but there just is not room to grow. Once the plant gets transplanted the roots have plenty of room to stretch out and grow. There may be rocks in the soil to work around, and the roots may not know that they are able to grow for a while, but they will eventually with enough encouragement and care. Your emotional roots have every potential to grow and develop as long as you transplant yourself in your mind to a bigger perception of your potential. Trust that though there will be obstacles (rocky soil) to get through, you will get there eventually if you don't give up. Practice by writing and being around people who express themselves. Be honest about your lack of experience in this issue with your boyfriend and he won't take it as a personal rejection. Tell him that you care for him, but have no experience in being as in touch with deep feelings and this is new to you. I know for a fact, that people raised in very unloving environments or emotionally lacking environments can overcome their pasts to embrace love and find new feelings and emotions in themselves, but it takes soul searching and a constant awareness of self and others. Little by little you WILL get there.
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