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My brother's irresponsibility
I'm going to set the scene here by first giving some background information:
My brother, Dustin: 23 years old; senior in college; has a two year old son; unmarried and single; lives on his own.
I, Natalie: 16 years old; high school junior; unemployed (my parents told me not to work so I can concentrate on school); live with both of my parents.
Story:
My brother was over at my parents' house (where I live) last night. He was drinking and trying to show off to impress a girl his age that was also at my house. He was complaining about EVERYTHING. He said, "I'm a grown man, 23, and I can take care of myself".
However, my parents pay half of his rent, help him take care of his child, pay his college tuition, and supply him with a part time job (he works for my parents, who own their own business). The comment he made was very disrespectful to my parents.
When he gets to see his child every other weekend, my mom drives about thirty minutes away to pick up my brother and his son to bring them out to my house. My brother practically pushes the parental responsibilities that are needed to take care of a two year old on to my mother. She ALWAYS changes his diaper, feeds him, and plays with him while my brother sits on the couch. My brother gets frustrated when his own child is barely whining.
I think his actions as an “adult” are completely wrong. I know I can’t tell my brother how to live or act, but how could I effectively express my opinion of him?
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Firstly, I can partially side with your brother and partially side with you. I'm your brother's age and I have a sister your age who constantly makes accusations similar to yours. The difference? I appear to be a lot more responsible than your brother. I'm 23 years old, I work full-time at a job that I acquired on my own, attend college full-time (that I pay for or my job pays for), and I pay for all of my bills. I still live at home, so I pay no rent and my parents do help me out occassionally - but only when I'm in dire need of asking for assistance. I'm single, with no children. I feel your parents are partially to blame. They allow him to work only part-time and still supply him with things. They take care of his child. Do you see where I'm going with this? Yes, your brother should be responsible and take care of his own things - but if he's not being forced to take on the responsibility that he should and he's not being called out on his irresponsibilities, he's not going to step up to the plate. Unless he has to. I feel you should talk to your brother about it. Maybe bring into view that he is an adult, but he's getting drunk instead of taking that money to pay on his rent? His priorities are completely out of wack. Keep in mind - it's not all his fault. It appears he's been 'babied'.
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You as a younger sibling you can certainly express your opinion, but it's probably not going to be very effective. Perhaps you can ask another family member (other than your parents) or an older adult to speak to your brother about his behavior. It sounds like he should go to some parenting classes, maybe your Mom can convince him to do so. He needs to learn to tolerate and care for his own child.
While there are some 23 year old males more responsible than your brother, I am certain that there are many more just like your brother. If your parents force him to be on his own, with no help from them after he graduates he will either step up to the plate and grow up or fail miserably--in which he will eventually learn from his own mistakes. It might not be until he's 30, but hopefully it will happen someday. In my opinion someone is not really grown up until they take care of every aspect of their life without help from others....sure he's capable of it, but will he?
As far as you, I think it's great that you see this as a problem that needs addressed. It shows your maturity, and It sounds like you are not willing to make the same mistakes that he has. Best of luck to you & your family.
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