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How far do you go to keep a husband satisfied sexually?
I've got a bit of a problem with sexual compatibility with my husband. He's into things I really am not into and I'm afraid if I don't try some of these things, he'll find someone else who will. I already found a receipt for condoms, which we don't use, which he purchased on his way to Florida, when was away on a job for 3 weeks. That was proof of what was on his mind and what he was capable of. He's into really kinky things like wanting to dress up in womans clothes with makeup, has fantasies of doing it with a man, and wants me to try a threesome. I never thought of myself as square, but I guess I'm more traditional than I thought. I feel pressure to go along with some of his ideas, which I haven't yet, because I know he'll stray elsewhere. He let it go for a while & our sex life is a once in a blue moon deal, because I know he's bored. Any advice? Do I do what he wants even though I hate it, just to keep him? I do love him and hate to divorce him over this, but trust is a big issue with me too. He knows I'm not into this stuff, but just recently brought all this up again. I don't mind watching a little porno or using toys, but this is just out of my league. What should I do? I don't think compromising will work with him.
hyacinth1121
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Sexual adventure isn't good unless you can both get off on it. Ask him outright if he NEEDS that kind of thing...if he does...kick him to the curb...don't do something you're not comfortable with and don't risk him going behind your back and bringing home an unwanted gift like an STD.
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There are many issues here that need to be dealt with. I think you should get a professional counselor involved. Both you and your husband need to talk with him or her. Perhaps you could ask your family physician for a recommendation for a counselor. Or contact the counseling department at a nearby college. If you are active in church, perhaps the pastor (or pastoral counselor) could make a recommendation. By all means, NEVER do anything sexual that makes you uncomfortable. Get professional advice instead.
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If I were you, I would stick to what i feel comfortable with. If it makes you uncomfortable (or if you just dont like it) then you shouldnt have to do it, because you should never feel scared or uncomfortable with your husband, and if you are having trouble trusting him, then maybe you need to see a marrage counselor (i dont mean to sound rude), because there is nothing more important than trust, especially if you are worried about cheating, because if you feel that he is cheating, then he isnt worth it anyway.
Good Luck!
Hope i helped!
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You need to be honest and serious with him. Remember, your husband is a man who should listen to you and who you should have trust in. Sit down and talk with him, tell him why you are unsure of trying. Tell him you want him to be happy and would do anything for him if needed, but that you are feeling uneasy. Make sure he knows that you are saying this because you love him, not because you feel obligated to.
However, you may want to try making the relationship more exciting. Surprise him with sweet notes or phone calls during the day. Be kind to him and treat him well.
You need to think if this is worth it, however. Can you trust him? Do you trust yourself, your own judgement? Sometimes it takes people years to see they are not completely happy together. On the other hand, every relationship has it's flaws.
If you are going to try the things to make him happy be sure that you still feel okay in yourself. Hurting yourself emotionally in order to make him happy will not work well in the long run. You can't pretend to be happy for you whole life, nor should you need to.
Overall, try talking to him about it. Try working it out. But in the end, remember that neither of you will be happy unless you are treating yourself well.
Good luck.
- Emilyy
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