|
How to move on.
Yes, my girl dumped me. I no longer have to be in denial that someday will be back together, giving up, gave 100% of myself, just an empty shell left behind. So ? What to do? How to move on?
I dont spend any time alone at home.Not at all. I do not get drunk or take anything. I go everywhere, clubbing cinema, every single day found my self a great girl, hot sexy and smart. Only many times I kind of...mix her name with my ex's, I sometimes just want to walk away alone from everyone, I...cry every now and then...when I acomplish stuff I think I am doing it for my ex.
My friends talk to me as if nothing important is going on while I am really dying on the inside (and the outside,lost a lot of weight). It really is the end of the world for me. I think that good times will come again but unfortunatelly, I cant believe it. I think about her all the time, dont sleep at night cause of her, I put twice the effort to accomplish stuff in my job cause I think of her, I know she will not come back.
My brain is killing me, it is just stuck, thinking over the same things again and again. Thinking about it so much, that late night, I can really listen to my thought in my ears. It is crazy, it is my brain going in circles and I am listening to it, I hear my though...but...crystal clear.
There are 2 ways to end this, none of them will do. One is taking pills, fuck them I dont need them, other is killing myself, no way out of the question I got to make money in my life. I ve taken new hobbies kept myself busy.
Well, i am sorry I think I did not leaveanything for you to advice me. Maybe some online support group where I can find people like me? You know that circle people make and hug each other,only online.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There are online support groups and here are a couple good ones to start:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
The reason you are still trying to prove yourself to "her" by putting all this effort out and driving yourself crazy, is because you really are trying to get over being rejected. It is not just the loss of her, but the huge feeling of worthlessness you feel that is compelling you to fill that void with everything, and you are depressed because nothing is working. I am glad nothing is working, and you should be, too. If you were able to fill that void so easily, you might move on over and over again without realizing the real problem. Now you have a chance to look at the root cause of all your pain. You put all of your sense of worth into another person's approval, like you did when you were little. I am guessing you experienced at least one parent that did not approve of you easily and you had little validation outside of this person's approval. Without someone to take the place of this person, you feel lost. Was your girlfriend similar to this parent in the realm of being hard to please? This would explain why everything you do is still for her, but she is not around to approve, so you are left alone and depressed. You don't feel loved, because you have defined love as something that is only real when it is hard to get. Eventually you have two options, but not the two you mentioned. One, find another girl to replace her, one that is also representative of one of your parents and makes you feel worthwhile for your efforts by her approval, which will not come easy, but remember, it is the hard to get that drives you. Two, examine the relationships you had and the definitions of love and approval you learned from others as a child. Commit yourself to expanding or even rejecting some of these limiting definitions and reclaim yourself as a person who is already worthwhile and does not need to be trapped by the past. One of many books that will help you in this journey, is by Dr. Harville Hendrix, called, GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT. It may trasform you, free you!
]
Listen. You aren't the only guy whose been through a very tough break-up. I know you feel horrible and worthless right now, but these feelings are temporary, I can promise you that.
If you continue to convince yourself that it's the end of the world, then you will get worse. You may think that every day when you wake up and every night before you fall asleep, but do not let that become of you. If a break-up meant it was the end, then we'd all be gone right now. Your situation, feelings and problems may feel different than everyone elses, but they aren't that different. Almost everyone faces this.
What you have to do is take everything one at a time. Crying is more than ok. It drains most of the bad feelings and you feel a little bit better after a really good cry. Don't be afraid to really break-down sometimes and just let it out. Being a male doesn't mean you don't feel pain. If you are a human being, you feel pain and you cry.
As you can probably tell, I've been through this. Actually I'm getting through it right now. I was with a guy who I had very strong feelings for. It wasn't some sixteen year old fling. It was a relationship that lasted 3 years and ended very recently. It's far from easy, but each day I realize that I am getting stronger. And I realize that I am living my life without him when all of this time I thought he was my life. But that wasn't true. He was a very big portion of my life. There was my life, and then there was his, and then there was our life binded together. So now the only part left is my life and I have to live it. Just like you do. You have your life left ahead of you to live. You can't give up because of this girl.
I know exactly what you feel when you can't seem to believe that there is no more good times to come. It's ok to feel this way. You have just been put through something very hard, of course you're feeling this way.
The part of your question that concerns me is that you say there are only two options left for you. Take pills, or end your life. You are wrong. You left out the last option. And that one is moving on and picking yourself back up. The option that makes you stronger. You know it's absolutely too far to end your life over this girl. She may have been very special to you, but it's not enough to end your life over.
1- Distractions: When you find yourself really depressed and upset, turn on the TV or go for a walk. Go to the gym and workout or anything that takes your mind away.
2- Venting: There are times when you won't be able to take your mind away as easily. So you have to just deal with the feelings in your own way possible. Write in a journal, cry, call a friend, go walking, listening to a favorite song and sing until you can't anymore.
3- Limiting: It's ok to have days where you stay at home and be alone, but you have to limit those days. Staying at home in your bed may feel good every once in a while, but it won't if you do it repeatedly. Spend a lot of time out with friends or family members. Even if you feel horrible the entire time, it's worth it.
4- Counseling/Support groups: I know you wanted support groups online, but what about some private counseling sessions? It wouldn't hurt to have a counselor help you get through all of this. If you find that it isn't working, then you can always stop. Just try things, you never know how it might help.
5- Dating again: You might be thinking that just because you don't have a girlfriend anymore you have to start searching immediatly for another. That isn't true. You have to start dating again when you feel ready. Which could be a very long time.
I hope that everything I've said has helped in some way. But I will give you some sites too since that's what you really wanted.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[This one is basically some tips on moving on]
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[You can E-mail this group and it's basically for emotional support. You can also call or write to them, which ever is best for you.]
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[7 quick and easy ways to feel happier]
-TheTeenGirl
]
Aww po baby SORRY 4 YOUR PAIN but down to the point. It i not the end of the wourld for you .you justthink it is an the more you think aout it teh more obsessd yo become with thinking about her..you neeed closure or sumthn just once and tell her how you feel; if she takes you back or not you still accomplished a greed task on moving forward because you have all that emotion bottled in you and you need to let it out..by telling her your last feelings about her..just to get it out of your head and hunting you from your sleep.and then you could maybe focus on you and your new realationship and all adn not so much on her..i will say it is not easy but you gotta commit to it and get rid of you rthoughts by teling youe ex... thats one big step to take ..get back to me..
~ Miss_Diva ~
]
More Questions: |