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Impotency in the Making?
I had quite a sexually active life when I was younger. I broke my virginity at 13 and went on humping anyone I could get my hands on.(Of course, I only have sexual relations with women of my liking. This is not shallow hal here.)
Anyways, the problem came about a few months ago when I finally settled down and got myself into a serious relationship. At first, the sex was its usual. Then, after a few months, I didn't want to do it anymore. I can't seem to get it up for her. I try to avoid sex and it's seems kinda depressing. But here's the thing. I can get it up for any other chick, not for her. -___-
In short, I dont want to break up with her, I just don't want to have sex with her.
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you feel tied down man. after going on for a while as a free and easy swinging bachelor, you settle down and low and behold you realize that setting down isn't for everyone. you feel locked up and stuck in place. you wanna roam free and pick up chicks and do all that stuff. but you can't because you're in a relationship. you see hot chicks at places and you want to go make a move but you can't because you're in a relationship. you're the one losing out because the relationship just isn't for you. some guys are like this, it's not a bad thing. it just means that you're not meant to be stuck with someone. my dad is the same way. he's never been with a woman for more than maybe a year. he can't do it. he feels stuck and doesn't want to be in that position so he leaves.
girls don't like it, but the fact is there are just as many girls out there who are the same way, who for whatever reason can't be in a relationship without feeling locked up.
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Of course it is easier said than done; everything worth having is worth working for. You could throw in the towel and continue living for the thrill of the catch as some suggest, or you could take the challenge and learn something more about yourself. It is not just about this relationship, it is about knowing if you are going to let your immature libido control you, or if you can harness in that powerful force to work for you. It is not about giving up so much as it is about not giving up. Even if she is not the "one," if you throw in the towel, you will be more afraid to get into another relationship, because the threat of impotency in commitment will haunt you and control your decisions. I want better for you and so do you. Try to take the challenge while you still have something to try for.
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What does it mean that you "can get it up for any other chick?" Does that mean you are having sex with other women or does that mean that you are masterbating to images/magazines/fantasy? There is a difference between the two that is pretty major. It is important that you realize that even if you can function physically, that the inability to be aroused sexually in her presence does not have anything to do with her attractiveness or your desire to stay with her, and you need to reassure her of this. If this is your first long term or serious relationship, then you may be for the first time going through a process that is called reality. The relationship is not new and exciting in the unknown romantic ideal sort of way. You need to focus back onto the relationship and not seek sexual stimulation or satisfaction elsewhere, even materbation, if you want your girl to start becoming your lover again. You are used to moving fast and not staying with one person long past the newness stage, and just like a remote control junkie, you become numb to what really turns you on and addicted to the change itself. In order to discover your excitement with her again, you need to re-train yourself and have some discipline. It does not sound fun at first, but it will drive you wild with desire for the love of your life, because all the energy you are giving away elsewhere will be stored up only for her. You need to stick to this for a while, but it will bring results. A long term relationship is not only healthy, but more sexually satisfying with a loving partner, than jumping in and out of bed with multiple partners. Instead of avoiding sex and concentrating on your problem, be there for her sexually and commit to refocusing all your energy and sexual tension onto only her.
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Well, this could mean that she means a lot to you,than other girls do. So, in a way, its good that you two don't have sex because you should create a strong bond first. You can always change your ways of having sex if thats what you want. You dont need to break up with her because of the whole sex thing. Try to overcome it. Let her know how you feel about the situation. Hope I helped. Good luck, with um, your area. haha.
-Brina
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There is something under the surface here. Something about the way you feel about yourself and/or the relationship. It's up to you to figure out what that something is.
A lot of times it's something that is seemingly unrelated, but is indeed the cause. Anxiety about something completely unrelated, for example.
I strongly suggest you seek couples therapy or sex therapy.
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