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Jealous of friend
15/female
I've known my best friend since I was 3 or 4 years old and we're really close. We haven't had a serious argument since we were 10 or 11 and we get on really well. But I have a problem. Ever since we were little she's always beat me at everything. She gets straight A's in all her classes, she plays the piano, the violin and the guitar, she sings, she dances she's beautiful and has a great figure, she's more popular me and people pretty much admit that they like her more and find her more attractive than me. Even the things I'm good at, she's better at. She's the one in control of our friendship, when well fell out bigtime when we were younger she was the one who decided when we made up. We always end up liking the same guy and they always prefer her. I have friends who like me, but all my friends mutual with her and they like her more. I feel like a boring lapdog and I always come second best.
I really value her friendship but this is starting to really get me down. She gets really annoyed when I try and talk to her about it, and I know there's nothing she can do to change it. It's not that she's a bad person, it's just that I have such a low self esteem and I feel so worthless that I keep comparing myself to her. She is everything that I'm not and she's got everything that I want. I'm unconfident and she's always accusing me of being clingy, I want so badly to make new friends of my own but I don't know how.
How can I stop being so jealous of her and make myself more confident?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You've lived in this girl's shadow for 11-12 years, it's time you came out into the sun. Easier said than done? Yes!
Why do you value her friendship so much? Do you perhaps think that without it you would be left with nothing? It sounds as though she has always made all the decisions, that is not friendship, that is control. It may not be anything that she has consciously done, but the way that you have seen tbe situations. But, you have helped her to turn yourself into someone who lacks the confidence to make your own decisions and make your own friends.
She may be smarter than you, there are always going to be more intelligent people, but there are an awful lot more less intelligent than you. Luckily, our popularity isn't and shouldn't be measured by how well the grey matter works.
Unfortunately, if we don't think much of ourselves, we can hardly expect others to. We project our feelings and people pick up on them. Ask anyone to make a list of their good and bad points, 99.9% of them will have a longer bad points list. You will be no different.
Don't try to compete with her, find your own special talents. Everyone is good at something, you just need to find it.
She may get annoyed if you try to talk about how you feel, but that may be because she feels uncomfortable about the situation and doesn't yet have the maturity to deal with it. She may have her own inner demons that she is trying to cope with, no one is perfect!
Learn how to be you, a wonderful, special person in your own right. Accept yourself for who and what you are. You manage that and people will be drawn to you as well. Confidence breeds attractiveness.
Join some clubs or help with a charity, anything that does not involve your friend. If she asks, tell her it's something you need to do on your own. Doing this will put you in the way of like minded people and gives you the chance of making friends who will like you for who you are. Charity work is especially good as it helps to give you the feeling of self worth. When you see the difference you can make to an animal or another persons life just by being there, your confidence starts to grow. When you value yourself and see that you can make a difference, you won't need to feel jealous of her any more. Remember though, that it will probably take time. So give yourself a break and don't be too hard on yourself if it doesn't all happen straight away.
I really hope that helps and I wish you the very best of luck.
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