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i am going crazy
I hate the way she looks, the way she chews her food gives me cold chills just wanting to smack her in her face. I hate the way she is bipolar and takes pills to help and soon has she gets off I have dreams about how I could kill her. How she makes me do shit she doesn’t want to do! I fucking hate her!!!!!!! I don’t care if she brought me in this world, she going to make me, take my self out of it. If it doesn’t have anything to do with her she doesn’t want to talk about it! She a cyber whore cause she can’t get anyone in person other than my fucked up step dad! If she on the net I could be dieing and she wouldn’t even take her eyes off the computer. She makes me so fucking depressed!!!!!!! She is the reason I need someone to talk to and I have thoughts of killing myself! She even make my little brother want to do the same thing ......I fucking hate her... tell me how to stop hating her
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You sound so full of anger is almost frightening. I understand completely what it is like to live with someone that has bipolor disorder. What you need to do is understand more about the disorder and what kind of things are common with people that are "untreated" or not being treated effectivly. Honestly it has nothing to do with you. Killing yourself will not solve anything, because with the right help...there are brighter tomorrows. Please understand that no one can "make" you kill yourself but you. Once you are aware of how much pain this woman is causing you, you need to do something about it. She can't stop...she is sick..the things she is doing is the illness talking, not the person under the illness. Please seek the help of a counselor so you have a person to talk to one on one. Trust me, there's so much information out there on bipolor disorder a qualified counselor will be able to help you.
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I suggest you slow down a bit and take a deep breath in and slowly let it out!! Okay so your Mum and you don't get on at all - that is no reason to kill yourself. In a few years time when you are older you will be able to go off and live your life the way you want to live it.
This life you are living at the moment will be gone before you realise. You only have to spend the first 18 years with your parents and then for the next 50 or 60 you can do what you want.
Have you tried talking to a counsellor at school? Do you have a friend that you can talk to or someone in the family that will understand what you are going through?
I know that at the moment your life sucks and the life your little brother is living sucks too. You need to help each other through this and by supporting and talking to each other you may be able to present a united front to your Mum and try to explain how you are feeling. If she won't listen to you then try writing her a letter or even email her.
Whatever happens, please get some adult help and don't consider killing yourself, life will get better. Just hang on in there for a little bit longer and you will be able to walk away and not look back if you don't want to. I wish you and your brother all the very best and if I can help out again please let me know. Good luck.
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