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Age Differnce Ytet Perfect
I am about to leave a relationship that isn't broken, and I'm petrified. I have been dating a wonderful, wonderful man for just over a year. We fell in love very quickly and very soon it was understood that we would marry someday. He's 34 and I'm 26.
The problem is that I have it much more together than he does. I am on the career track, and I am universally acknowledged to have lots of "earning potential"-- I am going to work hard and earn money. He is the antithesis of this; he's not against work, per se, but he's not corporate. He wants to ocean kayak and rock climb and ski and lead tours to Latin America. We joked early on that he would be the house-husband and I would earn all the money.
He also has a very significant amount of debt-- twenty thousand dollars. When his previous relationship of 5.5 years broke up (VERY acrimoniously), his girlfriend shoveled her credit card debt onto him, arguing that she had supported him and he deserved to assume debt she had undertaken. Despite the fact that he had no idea she was getting herself into debt, he accepted the debt load, because it seemed the honorable way to end things and to get her out of his hair. Now, of course, he has no chance of paying it back and might go bankrupt.
I love him. Everyone loves him, but more than one of my family members has come to me to express doubts about him. At first I shrugged off all the criticisms, saying, "If I love him, and I do, we will make things work."
Now I am considering breaking things off. He is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest person; he would be the most wonderful father I can think of; he is attractive, decent, and devoted to me. In other areas, we have nothing in common: he is outdoorsy, adventuresome, confident and arbitrary, while I am bookish, ambitious, tentative, and reserved.
My question to you is: Is it possible to wish someone well, to want him to be happy, and yet to know on a deep level that it just isn't going to work? Part of me wants to hold on to him, just because he is so special. The other part sees fights in the future, conflicts over money and attention.
Perhaps I have answered my own question. I don't know. It is cathartic simply to write about this. Thank you for your time
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tell him how you feel about part of you wants to hold on but part of you sees fights in the future about money he might understand but if hes what u describe him to be he will understand
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Apparently you've mulled over this situation for quite a while.
It is perfectly fine to break off the relationship if you feel uncomfortable at all. Of course, there will be some sore feelings, but if the situation is managed correctly (which I believe you are perfectly capable of), the separation could be just what you need.
As for the debt situation, it IS quite a large sum of money. I'm a bit fuzzy about what happened with his ex-girlfriend, but I'm quite sure there are some legal actions that you can take to alleve some of this financial burden. However, I'm not familiar with the statute of limitations on credit debt, so I would recommend that you have a professional look at it. In any case, you should be able to get a copy of the purchase history from the bank and see if this ex was actually going into debt supporting him or if she was taking advantage of the situation.
While he may seem like the perfect man for you, you ultimately need to decide in your best interests. It really comes down to your decision whether this man is worth twenty thousand dollars. If there's absolutely no way he can get out of debt on his own, do your best to protect your own assets.
He may be special to you, but if you weigh the pros and cons, I think you'll find that it's best just to break it off for your own good.
-Damian
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you are right in the future it may cause fights and even more.I believe in soulmates but only certain people have soulmates and if you do then they will keep on coming back so you will never realy lose them.do you see what i am getting at what i mean is if you two are ment to be he will come back or things will work out.
You may also want to express your doubts to himhe may be able to help reassure you or just whatever
i know i am not much help but i firmly believe that with some sitiuations it is best not to us your head and think with your heart.
that is all i can realy say i hope i helped
~nikki~
lalagurly
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