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restraining order </3 ;; TEMPER iSSUES PLZ READ :[
so me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months and a day now .. and we are TOTALLY in love.. i mean like talking getting married and shit already.. but he has a VERY bad past and criminal record but i dont care cause he treats me REALLY good.. And my mom use to like him but some shit happened and now she wants to put a restraining order on him and i would PROBABLY die.. like im not even kidding. i want to talk her out of it but i have the worst temper because she says stuff that pisses me off and i just flip out...
so basically my question is, Is there any way to controll my temper on the spot because its CRAZY
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You must be feeling torn in two because on the one hand you care greatly for your guy, and on the other you love your Mum.
She is obviously very concerned about you because putting a restraining order on someone is very serious. She must have her reasons and if, like me, she is very protective of her children, then I understand entirely where she is coming from.
You need to slow your relationship down some and take a few deep breaths before you commit yourself to your guy. Please be wary of the fact that he has had such a VERY bad past and criminal record (your own words). A lot of guys are great when they don't 'possess' you, they work at the relationship and you feel great. However, once they think you are theirs, their attitude will change and start treating you so very differently.
I think you need to learn to count to ten before losing your temper because that is counterproductive to what you want to achieve. To be treated like an adult and have what you say heard, you have to stay calm and rational. Once you have lost your temper rationality will go out the window and the argument is already lost.
I know your question was about controlling your temper, but if my daughter were in what I percieved to be a dangerous position, I would be fighting my corner with all guns blazing.
Your temper just needs to be understood. You need to realise that losing your temper does nobody any good. A fair hearing is one in which two people can communicate fairly and have what they each say understood. Screaming and shouting at one another serves no purpose except to make each other really angry. Ask your Mum to sit down and discuss this situation like adults. Using something like a small teddy or an unbreakable ornament as a focus on which you can have a discussion. For example, you hold the teddy/ornament and whilst you have it you must talk in a normal voice and your Mum must sit and listen. When you have had your say pass the teddy/ornament to your Mum and it is her turn to talk and you to listen. There must be no interruptions and no raised voices. It does work quite effectively but only if you both adhere to the rules.
I hope that this situation is resolved so that everyone is happy, but please hear what your Mum has to say she has age and maturity in her favour. I wish you all the very best.
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