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Hurtful relationship
This is kinda long, but your advice is appreciated :-)
Met this guy Gerard after a bad relationship. Wasnt COMPLETELY over it, but I really liked Gerard, and learned to love him and move on in a short period of time when I met him, like two weeks, after breaking up with the ex five weeks previous. I told Gerard I wasnt talking to the ex, but I was, didnt have feelings for the ex, just felt bad cause he was asked to leave the youth club we met.
I lied to Gerard about my grades (as he placed SO much emphasis on education and made me feel stupied at times, which I am sensitive about) and a few people I dated along with talking to my ex. In my eyes wee white lies occur at the begining of relationships and I didnt wanna cause silly arguments over talking with the ex, and I told him soon after the truth. When I did, he got frustrated, and grabbed my side, sticking his nails into my side in the process. I was left badly bruised and bleeding. I thought I deserved it for telling lies. He also started to scrab his wrists that nite in front of me, hes a self harmer, and its harder for me to accept as my brother killed himself a few years previous, which he knew. Isit right for him to hurt himself in front of me, should I have told him the truth all along, or do you understand I didnt wanna cause arguments over nothing, was his actions ok to do?
When he believed I flirted with people, he cut himself, even though I was in a friendly way, it does not justify his actions. People are flirty.
He found some porn on my computer, and felt totally hurt by it, thinking that he wasnt enough, I tried to explain it was just something I did, and that it wouldnt happen anymore. When I left my room, he searched through all my files to find them, and he also has searched through my phone once or twice to view people I know, and questioned some names.
He can be quite violent and loses his temper quickly, he full scale kicked me in front of friends when we went camping, because I wouldnt speak to him during an argument. He also has a tendency to grab harshly (Once or twicemy arm was bruisedwhich friends have noticed) me when I walk away when he argues and not let me go, which I dislike and find disrespectful. He also has a way of making me feel that most things are my fault.
I went to friends for advice over his self-harming, and told him, which REALLY hurt him, but I had no one else to talk to. Was that wrong? But friends are there when your in trouble and scared.
When we had an argument one night (as we often do), we grabbed me in the bar and I retaliated and grabbed him back, and whacked him across the head becasue in my eyes I was defending myself. If he thought it was ok, why should I hold back? My friends thought I hit him, which was lies as it was in defence, so I put him on loud speaker on my phone to prove my innocence. And he was upset and I asked him why he had to harm me, and he cameback saying "well why do I harm myself" That was not what I wanted people in the room to hear. But after they did, they saw it as emotional blackmail. Was this right of me to do?
I love him, and cant walk away, but I need advice on this drama called a "relationship". Whos in the right and wrong?
Thank you...
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my cousin went through something like this and she walked away after she nearly died because of the beating he thought doing this to her was ok and she felt bad that she had to keep stuff from him finally one day she realised it was wrong and had to run away while he was at work.i see that to you think maybe you have some control in this relationship will he sure doesnt this guy is totally not what you want i know you love him i know that but soon that love will turn into fear.your brother wouldnt want that happening to you.tyhis guy is hurting himself aswell he needs to get help but hun i dont think you are the one who can give it to him i think you need to leave soon before this escalates.this love is not true love to him this love to him is a weapon in his games he knows you wont leave him.i dont know what i can say to make you believe me or to leave him but i truly hope you do this guy is not your soulmate or whatever please get help i cant bare to see others go through want my cousin did it transformed into this person she wasnt it will do that to you too i know it please dont do this
if you need to talk i am here mizztalk_alot@hotmail.com
~nikki~
lalagurly
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He is wrong for being violent with you, being too controlling, and manipulating you with guilt. You are wrong to put up with that abuse, letting yourself be manipulated and accepting his excuses. Just because he harms himself and has "hurt feelings" as a way to manipulate you with guilt does not mean you should fall for it. He does need help...probably serious help that only professionals can handle. He is not going to get better as long as other people accept his behavior, so don't stick around as a doormat anymore. You need to get out of there quickly. You cannot help anyone who does not want to help themselves. You need to think about your own safety and the downhill slope this guy has led you down...it will only continue in a spiral of abuse. If you don't take it seriously and love yourself enough to save yourself, then you could end up in great danger. Please do what you can to get out, and call the police for help in doing it. They can escort you in getting all your stuff and moving to a safe place. Your life can be and should be better when you separate yourself from this violent man.
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