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friends with my ex is tearing me up
I broke up with my ex a month and a half ago, and I'm still not over it. He dumped me, and then wanted to be friends.. and I refused, and we didn't speak for a couple of weeks. Then we spoke again, worked out everything, and agreed to speak in person, perhaps get back together (a couple of days later, he said he "thought about it carefully" and said he only wanted to be friends) We fought again, and then stopped talking yet again I was happy with this. I don't believe in being friends with someone afterwards, because I know I can't get over them that way and there's just no need for it. I was a little sad our friendship had been ruined because we had been good friends for 5 years, but not talking helped me to get over him. For a time. one day, out of the blue he came and apologized to me, said he wanted to put the past behind us, and invited me to a party he was having. I went, we had fun and acted like normal, I thought I was over him but that night I realized I was anything but.
I just don't know what to do anymore. We say hi and stuff, but I find myself intentionally avoiding him, or when I see him I avoid his gaze. When he talks to me, I try and make our conversations short. Every single time I see him or we talk my feelings become ever more intense. I'm kinda unintentionally acting mean to him so he won't bother speaking to me anymore and thus I can get over him.
The other night I unblocked him from IM and asked him about us getting back together ever in the future. He said you never know what could happen. I said I wanted to know whether to cut my losses and move on. He asked what kind of relationship I wanted, I said nothing serious just something casual and he said same, because he wanted to focus on more important stuff. He said if we were to get back it'd be nothing heavygoing. He acted like he was interested in getting back, and so we were joking around.. flirting and stuff, and then suddenly he changes hes mind like "i'm only really interested in physical stuff at the moment, something no stress or friendship. nothing that will distract me" and I felt awful because he had changed his mind like the drop of a hat. I said I'd never bring it up again after he said that. And I never will.
What can I do? I just am so confused right now. I don't want to argue with him, but I don't want to be friends either because it's tearing me apart. I only have a few months of high school left. How can I get over him? Should I just tell him outright I can't be friends with him? And why did he lead me on like that, and act like he wanted us to get back not once but twice?
thanks.
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You should tell him that you don't want to be friends because that's not going to help you get over him and also why did he make you think that you too were going back together, and that he should of been honest since the very beginning instead of getting your hopes down.He should know how much he is affecting you.
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Hey there, this is quite a difficult situation...but there are a few solutions. So, from the info you gave on your question, this guy seems to be rather immature. But that's ok, because most guys in high school are. What's happening is, he doesn't even know what he wants to do. He wants to be with you, but he only wants a physical relationship. That means that he doesn't want to hurt you, and he cares about what happens to you. But nonetheless, he still just wants a physical relationship with girls he he doesn't know too well.
If you really don't want to be friends with him, just tell him that. Well, tell him that you find it really awkward when you're around him and that you're having trouble getting over him. Even if you're scared of how he'll react to this, don't be. GO FOR IT! After all, you were acting mean towards him on purpose to make him avoid you.
I know maybe that you might think that it's too soon, but the only way you're going to fully get over him IS by moving on. What I mean by "moving on" is finding another guy. Have you really been paying attention to all the other guys at school? For all you know, you've been too focused on this situation and missed signals from a guy who likes you.
I personally think that you should tell him what you think, but still try and stay friends. OF course, after high school it will be harder to stay in contact, but you never know. He could just come back to you when he's in his mid-twenties when he's matured. But I highly suggest that you don't sit around and wait for that to happen. Like I said before, just put your interest in other guys, and hopefully you'll find someone else. Just try and stay friends with him, but if not...oh well. There's a lot more fish in the sea. I'm not trying to be mean, but he's still immature now, he doesn't know what he wants, so don't let your feelings get hurt by what he says and does. I hope this helps even a bit and I hope it will all work out for you in the end.
-Princez Peach
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