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theres this guy..but my best friend..
HEY! :) 16/f
well my best friend has a boyfriend.but you see there is this one kid that is soo adorable! he is so nice and everything and we always use to flirt but whenever me and my best friend (katie) and this guy hangout my friend always flirts with this guy and i get soo pissed because she has a boyfriend and everything! i think my best friend is gorgeous and so this guy flirts back and i guess i get kind of jealous when they flirt because whenever shes not around he always flirts with me!! i try talking to her about it and saying ooooh you guys were flirting! im gonna tell kevin (her boyfriend) and shes like not uh!! no we werent i was just trying to get somethin back from him or makes up some excuse. i dont like this kid but i like flirting and just talking with him! i dont know what to do?? i get so jealous when he flirts with other girls especially my BEST FRIEND..when she has a boyfriend :( and me and her boyfriend dont get along either..at ALL...
what do you think i should do? whenever they flirt i just sit back and keep to myself just watch tv or somethin..theres nothing really i can do!
thanks so much for taking your time
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It sounds as though your friend probably has some self esteem issues. You may think she's gorgeous but she probably doesn't see it the same way and flirting with other guys makes her feel desirable and it might not even occur to her that it bothers you, especially because when you make comments like "ooh you guys were flirting!"
Of course, you have in part answered your own question. You said that when your friend is there, this guy basically ignores you. If you sit back and watch the TV and let them get on with it, he can't flirt with you at the same time! You're removing yourself from the situation and distancing yourself and he has nobody to flirt with but your friend. I know why you do this because I do it myself. You feel completely deflated and that you might as well not be there so you give up. You can't do that or you will spend the rest of your life doing it. You need to stay IN the conversation and keep reminding him of how witty and funny and interesting you are.
As for the situation with her boyfriend, there's very little you can do unfortunately. My opinion is always that a little harmless flirting is fine, as long as there is no real intention behind it. If she WAS to take it further, then by all means tell her to tell her boyfriend or you will do it yourself but don't tell him she's flirting with other guys right now. Especially because it will just make it look as though you did it purely out of jealousy. I'm not saying that is what it really is, but that is how it will look to your friend.
You can't make this guy like you more than your friend but you can give yourself better odds by making yourself more confident. Believe me, I know this is easier said than done but flirting is what happens when you are confident and shrinking into yourself is what happens when your confidence gets knocked. The fact is, people notice you more when you act more confident so when you feel yourself shrinking again, take a deep breath, sit back up and remind yourself to act confident. Think tall, think proud and think happy. Find an excuse to break into the conversation. Ask if anyone wants something to eat or drink. Ask if they want to go somewhere else and do something or ask what they want to do another time.
If you give this a go, I really think it will start to improve. If it doesn't there is a chance that he likes your friend more but please don't feel too disheartened over this. I had exactly the same situation with a friend years ago and she became....well....let's just say she started sleeping around a LOT from the age of 15 upwards. Not the sort of person I would like to be and not the sort of girl most guys would want a real relationship with. You keep being yourself and work on your self confidence and you'll start meeting guys who like you for you and see through your friend and her flirtatious behaviour.
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Ok, I hate it when this happens. I feel like whenever one of my best friends, who is gorgeous by the way, is around I have a lot of competition. What I would do is try to step it up a notch and not let him have a chance to flirt with her. Also try to come up w/ excuses. For example if your hanging out at his house or something ask him where the bathroom is or do you have anything to drink? Then if he gives you directions say oh I think it would be better if you come with me. That will get you some alonetime so you can make a move. Your friend shouldn't be flirting but I think she loves the attention. Take her aside once again and tell her she has to stop because you want a chance at this guy. This might not work but keep trying to step it up don't be afraid!
xxSummer
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