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did he just want an affair?
Hi Young Grandma
I had been friends with a married man for about 4 years- I thought of him as one of my closest friends and we could talk about just about anything. We had been friends and nothing more- we have never crossed the line. His wife knew we were friends and was okay with it because I've made it clear I"m a virgin and saving myself for marriage. He had not been happy in his marriage for years- people were amazed they stayed together as long as they did. They had many problems including she was older than him and had two grown kids from her first marriage who stole from him and were drug addicts. They had nothing in common and fought constantly- they used to run a businness together and would get in screaming matches. They never looked happy and he would go out drinking with his friends just to get away from her. She nagged him constantly too. Anyways- about a year ago he took me out for lunch was asking me leading questions like where was I going to meet mr right; and that if I was still single in 5 years I wouldnt be happy. He also asked if I wanted kids and told me I'd make a great mom (he had never had kids). So this sort of made me think that he was eventually going to leave his wife for me. I was hoping one day he would because I thought he'd make a great husband and dad. Well about 7 months ago he and his wife moved to another province for a job. I was quite upset and he gave me his old computer so we could stay in contact. We had been messangering each other. Two weeks ago we got in a fight- I told him I missed him and then he wrote that he was a married man (with a smiley). I got upset and told him I was worried he thought I wanted an affair with him- well now he wants nothing to do with me. He gave me no explantion either. I tried phoning and he screened his calls. He also took me off his contact list. I said I still wanted to be friends. Now I'm beginning to think he was never going to leave his wife and just wanted an affair. But the only thing I don't understand is why would he be asking me all those leading questions a year ago? And saying I'd make a great mom and asking if I wanted kids? Unless he was just saying that to manipulate me. Do you have any insight to his recent behavior?
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I think you read more into it than there ever was. I think he may have just been making conversation back when he asked you all those questions.
Chances are you had a crush on him. That made you see everything he said and did wrong. Lots of couples fight like cats and dogs. I don't know why, its just their thing. He was being nice to you for whatever reason and I think you
just took it the wrong way. Even if he was flirting with you a bit, it may be he didn't realize you were taking it the wrong way.
I doubt he did it on purpose to hurt you. Your feelings now though are scaring him. He is handling it like he probably should have from the beginning. He is married and much as you may hope he will leave his wife for you, he isn't going to. Never intended to.
Find yourself a nice guy who wants the same things you do in life. Forget this guy. Don't try to call him anymore or contact him in any way. It will be hard but you have to do it. :)
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