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The Tug of War: My boyfriend vs. My friends
I have been with my boyfriend for nine months now. We are very happy together, and have not gotten into any fights. However, there has been a lingering problem in our relationship that I fear will turn into a huge problem if not dealt with. First of all, we come from different educational backgrounds. He attended a public school in the city, and I attend a private school in the suburbs. While this may not seem huge, it plays a big role in this problem. Early on in the relationship, we met each other's friends. I got along just fine with his crowd. They were friendly and interested in knowing more about me. My friends were a bit frigid and snobbish towards him. That impression has never left him. So any time I want us to hang out with my friends, he immediately refuses. It always ends up that we hang out with his friends. They're wonderful people, but I feel bad that he and I can't share that same happiness with my own friends. It seems like a horrible double standard, because any time I seem to suggest anything related with my crowd he complains about how "uncomfortable" he is. At the start of our relationship, I was not comfortable with his friends, but I adapted to the situation and realized they were good people. It seems like he will not give any of my friends a chance. While it is true that most people who go to my school are "stuck up," my close friends do not act that way. The result from all this is that my friends are sad I can't hang out with them anymore. I am always with my boyfriend and his friends. I miss my friends, but at the same time I do not want to lose my boyfriend. He is the best person to come into my life, and the most caring person I know. I don't think he realizes that he is hurting me, because he is naturally shy and afraid of rejection. Could it be that he feels rejection from my friends? Is there any way to resolve this situation without hurting people in the process?
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One of the worst feelings in a relationship (being a guy myself) is when your Girlfriend's friends have that air of disapproval of you. It is a VERY disheartening feeling, and it leaves you feeling like your Girlfriend will eventually feel the same way. First of all, you need to understand his feelings. every time he feels those feelings, he is going to get a little depressed/downbuzzed that you will feel the same way. No matter what he will say, your friends opinions will always matter to him, and at the moment the best option to him is to run away from all this.
Baring this in mind, he needs to realise that in a relationship you need to have a even pull from both sides. at the moment, it sounds like you are giving emotionally a lot more than he is, which is good to give a lot, but it isn't healthy to not feel the same reception from him.
I think the best thing to do in this situation is to sit down with him and tell exactly how you feel about this.
Be gentle, just also be firm and assertive about it. Let him know that he has to give your friends a chance, because it is totally unfair on you.
I went through this exact same situation with my girlfriend - she went to an expensive boarding school and i went to a co-ed public high school. In the end, she sat down and we talked about it. Nobody was in control of the situation, we both just talked about how we felt about the situation.
Hope this has helped! :3
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