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oh boy- what am i going to do now?
I'm feeling bad about something. Well last night after work one of my friends asked me if I'd like to go out to the bar to meet one of her single guy friends. She said he was really nice but he had a handicap- he walks with two canes. Well I met him and he was a nice guy- he kept engaging me in converstation. What I didn't like was he seemed a little pushy- he was already asking what I was doing on my day off and wanted my number. I gave it to him out of guilt. Honestly I was not attracted to him- his handicap had nothing to do with it. Anyways I told my friend afterwards that he was a nice guy but I didnt want to date him- she said "why"? He would treat you like gold- and thinks it's because of his handicap. I told her I just didnt feel a chemitsry. She said she understands. Anyways- what am I going to do when this guy phones me?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Girl, if you don't like or don't want to date someone for ANY reason, there is nothing worng with that. You don't owe anyone an explanation or an apology because you feel this way. Even if it WAS because of his handicap, it's your perogative to choose who you want to date. Tell your friend (if they ask) that you just aren't feeling it. If they push it, don't elaborate. Just firmly say that you aren't interested and they'll give it up soon enough. When he calls you, just tell him that you think he's cool and you don't mind hanging out with everyone (like you did before) but you don't want to take it further with him, as in a date or anything. Please, don't go out with him out of pity or because you feel pressured to. Just treat him like any other guy who calls you that you aren't interested in. He is a big boy and can handle it, everybody has to deal with rejection. It's just how life is. If you see him after this, be totally friendly, even if he acts put off by you. How he reacts to you is up to him, don't let it bother you.
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When he phones you, try making it clear that you want to keep in touch with him but only as a "friend". Tell him you don't feel attracted to him and you'd hate for there to be a sticky situation. Ask him if he really -truly- feels attracted to you anyway (people with handicaps usually feel rushed into the dating/marrying sage because fool themselves into thinking they will end up alone because no one will want someone like them). Set up a group situation with your other friend and go clubbing or something. Introduce him to some of your single friends that you think he might get along with. If he's a nice guy, there's no reason why you should totally keep him out of your life.
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When he phones, you just need to tell him the truth. The fact is that you don't view him as really being any different to any other guy so act the same way you would with any other guy. Explain he's really lovely and you would like to be friends but there just isn't any chemistry. That way, he knows that his handicap isn't what bothers you at all, because you are still happy to see him as a friend.
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I can understand your not feeling a connection with someone the first time you meet them. Just to make it a fair decision though I want to give you a point to ponder.
It could be that with his handicap, he finds it difficult to meet women, nice guy or not. No way am I saying you should give him a pity date...don't take it that way. I'm just wanting to point out that he could have been a little over eager when you first met. That might have been why he seemed pushy at first, and could have been the turn off.
So, if in the back of your head you are thinking, he was such a nice guy but I just wish he hadn't been so pushy, try talking to him about that. Tell him you wouldn't mind meeting as friends and getting to know him better. Let him know he is being pushy! It may help him in the future if you don't want to date him.
If you really just didn't like him though then tell him you just aren't interested in getting into a relationship right now. Treat him as you would any other guy. :)
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Tell him you are fine with being friends but you arent interested in anything more than him. Its unfair to make him think he has a chance with you if he doesnt. Make sure you tell him what a great guy he is. best of luck xxxx
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