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His therapist wants us to break
My fiance recently started going to see a therapist for anger management. The therapist has now told him he shouldnt be around people at this moment in time, and he shouldnt work so wants him to take incapacity benefit. he also thinks we should have a break. My fiance told me this 4 days after the session. im very upset but said for his sake i will move out for a while, and he agreed. then the next day he is mad at me for being upset( by upset im down not crying.. im trying not to show the fact i wanna cry), and says he doesnt want me to move out...which then makes me think what type of game is he playing? the therapist also says he over eats to punish himself... he tells me all this while eating junk food...even though i tell him he knows it isnt good for him. it seems as if even junk food is more important than me. Im confused and upset. i thought everything was fine, its just a huge bombshell. i really need some advice i have no one i can talk to. Im 20 and female and we have been together for 4 years and living together for 3years.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You are confused and upset, and you have every right to be.
But look at it this way: If he is the type of person who needs therapy for his anger management, tells you to move out and then takes it back, and then blames you for feeling a bit down about that... maybe his therapist is on to something.
I will tell you this much: It would be very irresponsible for a therapist to suggest such a major life-change to him unless that therapist thought there was a risk of violence, either to you, others or himself. Seriously. Therapists do not haphazardly suggest changing everything about your life unless there is a risk of serious harm to yourself or those around you. I feel you must be leaving out some rather important details about your fiancés behavior in this question.
You met this guy when you were 16, and moved in with him at 17? Try and look at this as a very valuable learning experience. It’s important for every person to know deep down that they can take care of themselves and be independent. It sounds like you never quite got the chance to develop that confidence. It’s a great thing for you personally, and it might be a great thing for him as well.
By all means, get more information from your boyfriend about WHY his therapist feels this is the right choice. You might even ask if you and him and the therapist can all have a meting together so you can be confident that you are taking advice from a competent and caring person.
But in the end, what you really need right now is the knowledge that one way or another, you’ll be okay. So accept that moving out is a valid option, and in some ways, even a gift.
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