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A friend...
Hey! Long time no see. This is sbloemeke, by the way, if you remember me. :)
Alright, so onto the question.
I have a friend, let's call her Mary. I met her through Helplink here, believe it or not, when we were both mentors. I IMed her a month after adding her to find out who she was, and she was wondering the same thing. Well, we became friends after that, and eventually we learned that we share a brain wave, and really don't need to talk too much about emotions because we know exactly what the other person is feeling.
Well, she had always been a bit on the depressive side of the spectrum, but nothing major until recently. She would have her times where she wanted to die, but the thought of me and what I'd feel ended up stopping her from doing it. It worked the same with me, by the way.
Well, recently she had some problems. She got into a bit of trouble with the school for cutting classes, which she never did. The school didn't listen to her, her parents, other students, or other teachers. As a result, she could have lost credits and in the end not graduated. I don't know if she lost the credits, but I know she has a bunch of detentions at lunch and on Saturdays. She still seemed fine and had a hope at winning orchestra president, and she worked so hard at it. She lost, and that is the point where I really began to become afraid.
Mary just stopped IMing me then. I never heard from her, even in E-Mail, and I usually got a IM from her once every 3 days, and I sent one every 3 days, about. I IMed her yesterday, and the result absolutely shocked me. She changed completely. She doesn't care anymore, she is isolating herself to stop problems, she is amazingly calm, and she is considering leaving her school which she loves for a private school.
Now, I have been mentoring people for one and a half years, so I see stages in a person. Unfortunately, I have never seen a person in this state who ever survives more than three weeks afterwards, unless they are put into a hospital. And even after they get out, they usually kill themselves 3 weeks or so after getting out. It does nothing at this point. And there is nothing I think anyone can do.
I am really upset. I am upset for her, I am upset for her friends, and I am upset that one of my truest, closest friends is probably going to be dead in only a matter of time. I don't know what to do. I can't call their hospital or psychiatric ward since I do not live there, I do not know the number, and my parents would lock ME up if they ever found out any of this. I also would feel awful if I find out that was a game with me or anything along those lines. I cannot tell any of her friends, because I have not ever talked to any one of them, and don't know how to contact them.
So, I am left with counseling her myself to see somebody or try to help her on my own. However, the last time I did that, I broke down. I witnessed her nervous breakdown, and I couldn't do anything to help it. I tried to give positive remarks, but I just was mentally decapacitated after that hour, and I was doing more harm than good at that time. I broke down myself, and almost killed MYSELF on the spot there. So, that is out of question as well.
So, I have a rock and a hard place to choose from. Yet, if I don't choose, my life is guilt from here on out.
What do I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You can't blame yourself for anything that happens to her. Because, in reality, people will do as they please no matter what anyone says.
Maybe you are wrong about her, maybe by her isolating herself from things it's a way for her to refocus herself, and by going to a new school is a chance for her to start out new. I've been in situations where I just stopped talking to people, isolated myself from the world practically, and I'd sit in my room and play guitar and cry. THAT was my therapy.
Different people have different ways of dealing with their problems and their emotions. And it is completely unnecessary for you to consider ending your OWN life due to someone else's problems. Think of how many times one of your best friends has had a nervous break down. Now, if every time that happened and you considered ending your own life... I would say that you would have needed to speak to someone.
I lost a friend a year and a half ago. I blamed myself because I said that only if I was there with her at that party, she would still be alive today. You can't keep going and blaming yourself. When someone is born, their clock already starts ticking. They only have a certain amount of time to live on this earth. Once that time runs out, there's nothing you can do. When it's their time to go, it's their time to go.
You need to tell her that her problems right now are only temporary, and by ending her life it's a permanent solution to temporary problems. Things are ALWAYS going to get worse before they get better. So, once she feels like she's hit rock bottom, she may feel like that for a little while longer but things will start getting better for her.
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