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Obsessive thoughts
Hi, I really like your advice. :) That's why I'm directing this question at you.
I've been in a couple of relationships (i'm 17) Currently I'm in my second one. Well, in my past relationship I was constantly insecure about the fact my boyfriend had had other girls. My insecurity and jealousy ended up driving him away, and we broke up. Well 2 years have gone now and I'm with a new guy, and the same thing is happening again. I found out how many girls he's slept with, and now it's upsetting me constantly. I realize this is extremely irrational and I want to do something about it, but i can't stop thinking about it all the time and getting depressed over it. I tell myself it's no big deal and I don't think it is, but it makes no difference because I still worry.
You mentioned in your advice column that you were diagnosed with OCD. A couple of people have suggested to me to see a counsellor, as what I'm describing could be a form of OCD. I don't do actions over and over, but its obsessive thoughts I have problems with. Not just this, but other things I find out about people too. But for the moment this is what's worrying me.
If there's anything you can suggest I can do to combat this insecurity and jealousy, I'll be forever thankful. I really like this guy and don't want to drive him away like the other one.
Sorry this was so long!! Thank you.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I rarely ever check. My problem, as I said before, is obsessive, intrusive, and guilty thoughts. So, I feel you. My worst time with it was when I was 13. I hadn't been diagnosed yet, I'd never even heard of OCD, and I had no idea what was wrong with me. Disgusting and mean thoughts kept running through my mind, lighting it on fire. Things like, "You want to kill your family," or "you want to skin your cat" , sometimes sexual things that made me physically ill. Don't get me wrong, obsessive thoughts aren't always like that, they can be about dirt, germs,jealousy, or anything at all. Anyway, I couldn't concentrate on anything else and the only way I knew how to make it stop was to go to sleep. Therefore, aside from school, I slept for about 2 weeks straight before it let up. I don't mean I heard voices, thats different. I realize I'm thinking, as I'm sure you do too.
Shortly after I'd been diagnosed, it hit me hard again. This time I concentrated on not letting the intrusive thoughts process. Soon, though, I'd conditioned my mind to not let ANY thought or feeling go through. I was just, blank. I could picture my mind as pure, white, nothingness. I felt nothing. I remember being amazed that when I looked at my friends or family, I felt no love. I didn't care what happened to them or myself. I had thoughts of suicide and it was quite a dangerous time for me. Ironically, I'd become obsessed with not obsessing. Point being: If its serious and interferring with your life, you really need the direction of a doctor or therapist to handle it by yourself correctly.
The way you describe what happens to you, I agree with your couple of people and think you may have OCD, or some type of anxiety problem. Only a doctor will know. If so, its something you'll have to deal with all your life. Its not something you can just become immune to. Its like living with diabetes. You have to learn to control it. Whether that be through the excersises a therapist would give you, or through medication, or both. Its not something that I feel is everyone's business. But the people that are closest to me know. I don't want them to get hurt or angry with me if I lose control for a moment and start behaving irrationally. That being said, I think, when you're comfortable, you should talk to your boyfriend about it. Because you and I both have run men off. Try looking up some web sites on OCD, maybe show them to him and your parents, so they have a better understanding of what might be going on with you.
If you're not quite ready yet, or after looking over the web sites, or talking to your doctor, you don't think you have OCD after all, here are some things I do when my mind starts spinning:
*I'm very pro-journal. I think everyone should keep some type of one. To get everything that you're feeling out on paper is cleansing and therapeutic in itself.
*Try some anxiety support group chat rooms.
*This last one I thought would never work because it seemed so simple. I had no idea how hard it actually is...
When you feel the thoughts or that bad "feeling", automatically immerse yourself in something. Just get busy. Walk your dog, go shopping, clean out your closet, throw in a DVD that makes you laugh, anything to clear your head. You get the hang of it.
And here is something I do when I feel less than amazing in the sack:
*Buy a Cosmopolitan and try their "Sex Goddess Sex Position of the Month" (whatever its called)
Look, you may just be an extremely jealous and insecure person. Maybe thats a part of who you are. I tend to play mind games. Its ugly, but its a part of me. Therapy can help you, no matter how big or small you think your problems are. Some people go just to have someone to talk to.
I hope I've helped you figure some of this out, don't wait to get help if you need it.
Peace,
Shade
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