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A Friend?
hey vikki.
to make a long story short, i got in a "fight" with one of my friends towards the end of march (it's may 21) and my closest best friend was good friends with her. well on the day of the "fight," i told her (my best friend) what happened and she said that she hates the girl that started the fight and wont ever talk to her again. i didn't really WANT that to happen, but i didn't really not what it to happen.
the next day at school, the girl walked by my locker while my best friend was at my locker. the girl said, "hey," to my best friend and my best friend was all, "heyy what's up" and i have been mad at her ever since. if she was truly a friend, she wouldn't have done that. (that meaning told me that she hated the girl yet said, "heyy" to her.)
should i stay friends with her? is it stupid of me to be mad at her just because i got in a fight with one of her friends? should i simply keep doing what i'm doing now, which is to create space in the relationship?
i dont really have that many friends. i think my closest friend is my sister whom i would die for. i can't afford to lose another friend, but i just want to let her know that i'm upset with her for continuing to socialize with my ex-friend ESPECIALLY when she told me that she hated her and doesnt want to talk to her anymore.
also, i can't just go up to her and tell her that i'm extremely pissed at her because she is still friends with my ex-friend. that would be really stupid of me because i'm not that type of person and because we (my ex-friend and i) weren't THAT good of friends anyway.
my apologies for having such a long question, but i saw that you have given very good advice and this problem has been bothering me for almost two months now.
thank you.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hi there. Firstly, don't worry about the length. Sometimes if you have a big problem it takes a while to get it out, so don't worry!
Now then, I can understand why you are upset. The fight with this girl sounds like it must have been a pretty bad one and when your best friend told you she wouldn't talk to her any more and then did, you must have felt very betrayed.
You have every right to be upset with your best friend for the way she has turned around and done something she so clearly told you that she wouldn't do but at the same time you are both putting her in a very difficult situation. If she is good friends with your ex-friend then she may well feel she shouldn't talk to you for the same reason you would rather she didn't talk to her. This puts her right in the middle of your fight.
I know you would rather she wasn't friends with your ex-friend either but as much as you might like to, you can't dictate to her who she can be friends with any more than your ex-friend can so although it's tough, you need to try to be okay with the situation if you don't want to lose her. It is easier said than done but it really is the only way.
You should also tell her how you feel about the way she changed her mind. Explain to her that you don't have a problem with her being friends with this girl but you can't understand why she lied to you about it. It may well be that she was worried being friends with her would mean losing you as a friend but you will only know this if you ask. Whatever she says, make it clear you know she can be friends with anyone she chooses but ask that she doesn't try to hide it from you again.
I'm not saying this is the easy solution and there may be times where you really wish they weren't friends but if the shoe was on the other foot, so to speak, you would probably want her to allow you to choose your own friends, whoever that may be.
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