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i need help getting over an abusive relationship
I was in a relationship with a violent man for two years, he got me pregnant and i left him (for the baby's sake) and i still have flashbacks everyday, and it has been a year since i left. i moved to a different state. how do i make the dreams and flashbacks go away?
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i think the best advise i can give you is to focus on your child and the strength you have. fortunately for me i only had to witness abuse, you see my father was a man violent only towards women. thru out my life ive watched him hurt his girlfriends, the real problem that i was unable to understand is that these women were so "in love" they would come back, over and over. 7 different women in 10 years two with children and as much as i felt for these ladies, to this day i wish theyd put thier children 1st. i feel that you have taken the 1st few steps, your away from your abuser, and you did so for your child, now in order to move on i think you need to turn inward in a positive light, being in an abusive relationship is very damaging to your self esteem. however you can reverse the effects hes had on you by focusing on the courage it took to leave and the power in being a mother strong enough to protect her child. the next step i would take in your shoes (if your intrested) is learning to defend yourself, one thing ive seen in all women that walk away from abuse is the fear that thier weak, or that it will happen again. by taking the lead and learning to defend yourself, you will be able to feel strong and in control of your life again. its not a matter of becoming a bully by any means, but it is important to reinstall your self worth, and to know that you can take care of yourself and your child. life has taught women that they are weaker, than thier male counter parts, but in hand to hand martial arts makes us more than equal. i think the inner peace you would recieve from learning self defense would enable you to fight back in both your dreams and flashbacks as well as real life if the need arose. my mother was the 1st of many to be hit, like you she left and dident go back, even tho i witnessed it 1st hand (he was not a threat to his children) my mother taught me and my sisters that abuse was NOT okay and could not be tolerated by any woman, and with this knowledge fortunately none of us kids (3) as young adults have had to put up with it. we were brought up wth that knowledge deeply ingrained, you will have to ingrain it in yourself and your child. martial arts is only one way of getting that strength and self confidence, theres also therapy, but it is my personal opinion, theres no better therapy than learning how to, and kicking the shit out of a punching bag and imagining it as your ex. excellent way to work thru the anger and the fear. up to you. sorry so long. good luck to you, and way to go wonder mom! you did the right thing dont ever doubt yourself.
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