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humorist-workshop
3rd wheel
hello there. let me start by saying i asked your son this question, but he just said get more than 2 friends, and i dont want that answer.. so please put a little more thought into it. If it matters - 13/f. Okay so i have 2 best friends that go to my school. Lets call them A & V. A has been my best friend since 3rd grade [ now in 8th ] and shes a jealous cocky kinda person that always has to have all the attention. ive learned to live with that though because she means so much to me & we never run out of things to do. we are also super boycrazy. then i met V in 6th grade and we have so much in common. we both play basketball, volleyball, and run track together. and we never run out of things to talk about. shes very opioniated. A & V have been getting alot closer these days and now it seems they are kinda leaving me out. because they are so different they get in ALOT of fights - so then im put first for both during their fights. but any other time.. im always second. it used to be i was always first 24/7 - even in fights. it seems like im loosing my two best friends to each other. and im on the "back burner".. if you know what i mean. any advice on what i can do? thanks in advance :]♥ oh, & sorry if it was like confusing.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Sorry about Zach's answer. I went and read it and it looks like a typical "boy" answer. Guys tend to look at everything so logically and don't really address the emotional aspects of things. So I'll give it a shot....
When school first started this year, I got questions like yours A LOT! Go back and read page 3 of this column. There were several questions from kiddos concerned about their long term friendships. They were worried that their friends changed and/or they were sad because they felt they were loosing their friendships.
Here's one of my previous answers...I think it applies to you as well;
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I'm really sorry. I can tell how broken hearted you are over all this.
This is the most common advice I get asked though. If you have time, read back through some of the other questions like yours and the answers I've given. They all have a slightly different story but they are basically about friends going down different paths and how painful it is when it happens.
This is one of the hardest parts of highschool. Even I had a bff that I lost in HS. We did everything together in middle school. We had all honors classes and athletics together, we dressed alike, etc. But in high school, she decided I was a prude. She started having sex and hanging out with a completely different crowd. At first, I wanted to hold on to our friendship so bad that I even considered conforming to her new lifestyle but I just couldn't go through with it and I had to let her go. It was so weird to have this good friend suddenly seem like a stranger to me. But today, I see how her life turned out and I know I made the right decision to let her go because it's not the life I would have wanted for myself (BTW - She seems quite content with her life so she probably looks at MY life as undesirable as well)
Going down different paths is inevitable.
Change is part of life.
Sometimes it seems horrible when it's happening but follow your heart and follow your OWN beliefs and you will find happiness (it just may not be where you expected.)
Stay true to your own self and find others with your common beliefs and you will have no regrets.
Let me know if this helps.
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Remember that you can't control other people. You can only control YOU. I know it must feel like these two friends have turned their backs on you but they haven't. They are just exploring new things. I actually think Zach's advice was GOOD. These friends are probably doing you a really big favor. I think your reaction to their new friendship indicates that you need to expand your social world. If you had more friends and more activities, you wouldn't feel like you were loosing your friends because you would be too busy and happy to notice. When they try and pull you into their fights, you should have something more constructive going on in your life than getting in the middle of conflicts. Set an example and perhaps they will follow you.
Don't feel bad about what is going on. It's normal...but DO keep busy and do some exploring yourself. Once your friends see you being confident and happy, they might just realize what a fun and great friend you have been. And THEY may be the ones worried about loosing YOU.
I don't think my advice is that much different than Zach's. Quit worrying about THEM and focus on YOU.
Let me know if this helps.
Love, Mrs S
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