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Jealousss lady right here


Question Posted Thursday May 4 2006, 9:57 pm

I'm Melissa, and I'm 16 years old
So I'm crazy jealous (to a really large extent) and I don't know how to get over it. If anyone has been through it and somehow SOMEHOW overcome those horrible feelings, let me know what you did...Because I'm working on it and I'm afraid to push my boyfriend away at the same time. He's really understanding, but I'm assuming that there's only so much that a person can take.
Missy
Thanks


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xEVYx answered Friday May 5 2006, 8:36 pm:
Sometimes there seem to be good reasons for jealousy, many times there aren't. When someone is experiencing jealousy for no real reason then their imagination needs training.

It's the imagination that causes these feelings of jealousy, when people visualise, for example, their partner with someone else. This can cause a whole host of problems associated with these jealous feelings, from anxiety and panic, to anger when their partner simply looks at another person.

Jealousy makes you think that other people are in the wrong, when most of the time the problem is in your head. Perhaps you need to face up to the facts: the jealousy is being caused by your own insecurities. You're lacking confidence in yourself, your abilities and the people around you. That could be why you're jealous.

The best way to beat jealousy is to build confidence. If you're happy and secure in life, the jealousy can’t control you. Don't bottle it up. If you're jealous of one person in particular, talk to them. Tell them how you feel. Chances are, they'll reassure you and you can work through the jealousy problem together. Go for the things you want, too. Jealousy is a negative emotion but ambition, determination and success will boost your life and get jealousy under control.


Good luck!

♥ Evy

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Vikki27 answered Friday May 5 2006, 6:16 am:
You know, all jealousy is rooted in insecurity. You are afraid that your boyfriend will leave you for another girl because you don't believe, deep down, that you are good enough for him.

The problem is, the more jealous you get, the harder it is to overcome, as I'm sure you have already found.

I used to be the exact same way. My boyfriend used to spend a LOT of time working around attractive girls and I was constantly scared he'd meet someone prettier, more fun, more intelligent etc etc.

The thing you need to realise is that your concerns are what they call a self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, by worrying that he's going to leave you for another girl, you might actually push him into the arms of another girl.

There's not a lot you can do to control feelings but you can try to control your behaviour. He can't see how you feel if you don't show it and by hiding the way you feel from him, you should start to slowly get over your feelings too. I know that might sound strange but it worked wonders for me.

Basically, every time you have a (what I call) 'paranoia moment', think back to all the wonderful times you have shared and all the times he has reassured you with how he feels like you. When negative "But then again" thoughts come in, squash them with another thought. Then, disctract yourself. Do whatever you can think of to make yourself think about anything else. Get a few friends together and go out. Play a game. Read a book. Write a book! It doesn't matter what you do, within reason but don't phone him, text him or check up on him in any way. If you're with him and he starts talking about a girl mate of his, constantly reassure yourself in your mind. Say to yourself over and over "Just a friend. She's just a friend."

It will be really tough to do this at first and you may not be able to completely convince yourself that everything is okay to begin with because it takes a lot of practise to control strong thoughts but it can be done.

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xo1234 answered Friday May 5 2006, 3:47 am:
I understand your situation. But I'm confused on your question, I'm sorry if I understood it wrong. Just try and trust him, thats the only way the relationship can work. If your jealous of someone who is talking to him, remember your his girlfriend.

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