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I need your help, desperately.
I know you're not a psycolgist, but you seem to know what you're talking about, most of the time.
My problem is..well, myself. I get way to obsessed with guys. As soon as I've realized that I've fallen for a guy, I'll do anything..no, correction, EVERYTHING to get him. I'll hack his computer and his friends, just to learn more about him. I'll get to know his parents, friends..everyone who's close to him. I'll be all over his exes to learn from them, and sometimes even try to be exactly like them for him to fall in love with me. I'll reda a million books on how to seduce a guy, hot get a guy, and how to keep a guy. I'll find out his zodiac and read all about it and its desires to try to understand him and BE what he wants me to be. I think I'm crazy, seriously, Im scaring myself. But I don't know what to do. And it doesn't end there, my last crush recently said "Beyonce is the hottest girl ever!" so I did everything to become her, I went tanning once a week, didn't eat at all to become as skinny as her, find out how she does her makeup, got a wig so my hair would be like hers.. And then I realized "what if it's not her looks he's into?" so i started going to church, because she's a christian, I started taking singing lessons, since she's a singer..everything!! And I'm not the type to hurt anyone, or stalk him or anything..but I don't want to be the obssesed type either, the one who lives for one boy and then dies inside when he doesn't like her. What can I do???? And please dont suggest proffesional help, its out of the question.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Another tough one.
To tell you the truth, the behavior you've described sounds borderline, at best. What I mean is, the issue as you've described it DOES sound like something that requires professional help, or at least a professional evaluation.
I know you don't want to hear that, but it's my best assessment of what you've described.
That said, it does sound as if you may be suffering from low self esteem. You seem to feel that you, in yourself, are somehow not lovable or desirable. And so you try to change yourself into someone else.
Obviously you realize that that's not good for you.
So, keeping in mind that I recommend that you get a professional evaluation, you COULD try to also build up your self-esteem. Which means getting involved in your own, non-boy-related activities.
Which probably means figuring out what sort of non-boy-related activities you like. Because it sounds as if you haven't really had time to even learn what your own interests are.
So take some time to experiment. Do things on your own. Read more. Take some evening courses. Volunteer someplace. Get some life experience that's not tied to love and romance.
It sounds as if, in a way, you lost yourself; even that you've never really found yourself to begin with. That's no way to live. So I think your goal should be to find yourself.
What do you like? What do you love? What makes you laugh, or cry, when there isn't a boy on your mind?
Go find out.
Good luck!
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