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What should I do? bf not into oral. I am.
Hi,
I am a 21 year old female. I have been dating my bf for quite some time. We have just started being sexually active and we both enjoy oral sex as well. The only problem is that he does not like doing oral sex on me and refuses, but it is a very important part of pleasure and sex to me. I have given him bjs but he does not want to do it to me. What should I do?
We have talked about it and he says it makes him feel uncomfortable, so I said I respect that and don't pressure him at all, but deep down it does bother me. Is there any other alternatives that you can think of or am I just going to have to live with this? I just want to see if there are any other options that I have not considered. I know I sound insensitive and I don't mean to be that way. I do respect his wishes, but deep down it is hard for me.
Thanks for listening bye.
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I don't think it's insensitive to know that something is important to you - and then try to figure out what you can do to get that into your life.
The first thing I might do is explore the word 'uncomfortable.' Ask your boyfriend to be as honest as possible, and then try to unpick it - is he unsure what to do? Afraid it will taste bad? Had bad experiences with this in the past? Have some sort of moral objection?
Maybe a compromise can be reached - like you giving him 'lessons.' Or possibly him giving you oral sex for only a few minutes instead of until you orgasm and working up to it.
There is a definite imbalance of power if you are giving and not getting, but it's a big grey area. I understand you don't want to pressure him, but you also are uncomfortable with the idea of not getting any oral sex. It's a tricky area to navigate, and I think having open conversations with your partner is a good start.
Make sure to have them OUT of the bedroom, when you haven't been fighting. Also use lots of 'I's and not many 'yous', so he won't feel blamed. 'It's important to me to receive oral sex.' 'I get a lot of pleasure from oral sex.' 'It would really turn me on if we did this.' Etc etc etc.
If your boyfriend isn't doing it because of a minor dislike, then it could be argued that he's actually the one being insensitive and selfish. If you are going along with things and not telling your boyfriend that oral sex is important to you, he might genuinely not realize how bothered you are.
If you tell him how you feel, then you are allowing him to make a more informed choice. If you keep your mouth shut, then he would certainly see no reason to change his habits.
Finally, there is a sex toy called 'The Tongue.' It's pricey, but supposedly gets the job done.
With open communication, you hopefully won't have to only resort to this toy - in a deep, genuine, respectful relationship, many sexual problems can be overcome. Sex & couples counsellors could also help.
Best of luck.
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