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Hey I worte you last nite and you really helped me, same situation I guess but a lil more to the story... Dave is my fiancee. We live with another couple, her husband is over there with my fiancee in keywest....Ok, so I'm sittin here at 6:51am the second I opened my eyes I thought about Dave. Rachel tells me this morning that Jacob called her last night at 1:00 or some where around there and he was drunk. He goes on to tell her that Angel, Bruce's wife (I dunno these ppl) came down to see Bruce and brought 3 other girls with her. They all went out to this Club last night. I know Dave was drunk because I talked to him for a few earlier in the night and he told me he was there. He never mentioned these other girls. Anyways Jacob tells her that this girl named Heather and jacob were dancing all night and that her other friend Tiffany who is so hot is a slut and she's like tryin to fuck all the marine's there. This makes me fell even worser about the whole situation. All I want to do is cry. I wish I could have some way of knowing what he did last night before I marrried him. I want to trust him so much, but hearin shit like that dont help me one bit. And everytime he leaves like this something "magically" happens to where his phone dont work but when its time for him to come home his phone is back workin fine. That alone is a huge red flag. He is in the marines and will be deployed at some point. Am i supposed to deal with this same shit for 6 months - 1 year? I dont think I can, this 2 weeks aint no where near over and it has already fucked my head all up. And not hearing from him makes it worser. It's like when he's here im the most important thing in his life but when he goes away "poof" I dont matter anymore. I was up till 2 last night just sittin in my room tryin to fight back tears. I want to have a talk with him when he gets back, I cant now because with him being over there with all his buddies and drinkin' it will only make the situation worser. How do I word everything that I feel without making him think that I dont trust him? I'm hopin because your a man you can help me. Girls only sugarcoat everything and thats not what I need right now.
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I need to give this question more thought, so I may revise this later, but it sounds like you need some sort of answer fairly quickly.
It's a bit hard for me to answer this, because I'm about as different from your fiancee as a man can be; I don't really understand drinking and all that, because I never got into it.
So I talked it over with my wife. I hope you don't mind, but she knows more about that sort of thing than I do. And she dated a military man for a long time.
She read both of your questions, and my previous answer. By the way, she never hesitates to tell me if she thinks that I'm wrong; in fact, I think she enjoys it. :D
At first she thought that I'd been too extreme, that your fiancee was probably just showing a natural urge to protect you and himself. Then she read a bit more.
And when she finished, we agreed: there's a serious problem here. Because you don't trust him, and he...well, we don't know for sure what he's doing, but he's giving you some BIG reasons not to trust him. And some huge red flags.
The drinking. The yelling. The lying - because you're right, the magical cell phone bit is an obvious lie. You're not stupid, but he seems to think you'll believe anything. Either that, or he doesn't care enough to make up a believeable lie.
If he's doing all that now, how do you think he'll treat you once you're married and he can take you for granted? How will he behave after he comes back from deployment, possibly with severe stress issues?
I'm sorry to make that last point, because a man shouldn't be penalized for serving his country. I have friends and family in Iraq myself. But all of his other behavior already put him over the line.
He is NOT treating you with respect. And marriage will NOT make him treat you better - he'll almost certainly get worse. You're already in tears. I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life that way.
Perhaps if you talk to him, or write him a letter, he'll decide that you're worth changing for...but since he has already lied to you (even though the phone might be considered a minor thing), how can you trust him?
At the very least, you two need some serious couples counseling before you go through with the wedding. And that's not my wife's opinion; to be honest, we both think that you need to make a very serious decision about your future with him.
From where we are, it doesn't look good. But we wish you the best of luck, whatever your decision.
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