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thesis statement
i am working on an essay and i want to know how good/bad my thesis statement is or how i can make it better.
this is it :
river valleys and mountains had positive impacts on regions by improving cultural diffusion with trade and preserving cultural diversity with natural barriers, they had negative impacts with no natural barriers to protect them from invasion and less food from farming.
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Frankly, it would make more sense to talk about the impact of river valleys and mountains on human society, rather than on "regions". That's really what you're saying, anyway.
Your thesis statement as it stands is a comma splice, by the way. Your teacher will mark you down for that.
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You might want to consider finding a way to distill the concept down still further. Something like "Throughout history, river valleys and mountains have had a major impact on human society in both positive and negative ways" would work. Although please make up your own, since you really should do your own essays. And frankly, your teacher will probably be able to tell that you didn't write the sentence I just gave to you.
Alternatively, you could break your thesis statement up into more than one sentence (unless your teacher will mark you down for that, of course).
Also, "negative impacts with no natural barriers" doesn't really make sense. Say it out loud to yourself, or to a friend, and see what it sounds like. That's the best way to test a written phrase - by saying it aloud.
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Your thesis sounds really good. If it covers what your paper is about than its perfectly fine.=)
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that sounds pretty good..if it covers what you're entire paper is about then it should work.
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