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confused
okay well theres this guy lets call him c and i've known him for almost about two years, and i realized i liked him only until about three months ago. i cant stop thinking about him but the problem is that he has a girlfriend who he doesnt even like. I mean he tells me how bad she treats him and how jealous she gets. He cant do anything without her permission. The reason he is like this is beauase in all the relationships that he has been in the girl always ends up cheating on him and now he doesnt trust anyone. howcan i get him to realize that i like him and at the same time get him to trust in women again without making things worse.
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Sorry for the delay, but whenever I get a question that's outside of my area of expertise, I take extra time to think about it.
So:
To be honest, as soon as I read that he's telling you how badly his girlfriend treats him, I heard warning bells.
He's not married to her. He's not legally bound. If they have a child together, you didn't mention it (and I think you would have). So if he's really unhappy with his girlfriend, why hasn't he left her yet?
Is she really rich? Does she have relatives in the Mafia? Does she have a monitoring device with a bomb in it strapped to his ankle? Because if she doesn't, then he's either too spineless to leave her (which doesn't make him sound like someone worth being with, to be honest), or else he's just looking to cheat on her - with you.
I recognized what he's telling you, because it's one of the oldest lines in the book. "My wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband doesn't understand me" is nothing more than code for "I want to sleep with you". It's a play for your sympathy, a way to use your kindness to get into your pants.
And it won't end well. It never does. Because even if he eventually left her for you (VERY unlikely) he'd end up cheating on you, too.
Maybe I'm being a little too hard on him. Perhaps he doesn't realize where what he's saying to you will lead (although he probably does on some level).
But if you want to have any chance of having anything ever work out between you - and it would only be a SMALL chance, because it depends on what sort of person he is - then DON'T sleep with him.
You can tell him that you like him, tell him you're sorry he's not happy with his girlfriend. But you also need to tell him that you're sorry because you DON'T date guys who are already involved.
If he really feels that he can't trust women, that will prove to him that you, at least, have real integrity. That you can be trusted.
As for not trusting women, I've known a few guys who've felt that way. Mostly men who went through very bad divorces. Their track records after the divorces weren't good - they tended to break up with each new girlfriend as soon as things got serious.
But I'm not sure that he's really in that state. It sounds more to me like he's looking for sympathy, and probably more. That doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, though; it just makes him a normal man.
Good luck, and be careful!
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