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humorist-workshop
Men are HOW confusing?
Hey, you seem to have your head screwed-on right so I thought I'd ask you this question - and it's long and complicated!
There is a guy I work with (we're both from Bournemouth), and we go to separate Universities (me - Lincoln and him - Liverpool). I've just turned 21 and he's about to turn 20.
Well I've worked with him for about a year but never ever even dreamed he'd be interested in me, so never bothered saying anything to him. Well one night after Xmas when we were both home for the holidays I saw him out in a club when I was drunk and we got talked him, and I asked if he'd like to go for a drink at Easter. Well he looked completely astonished and said "yeah sure!". I got his number and texted him a couple of days later. He replied the next day and we texted each other a couple of times, I added him to MSN, we spoke, blah blah blah. That was about a month ago, and since then we've been texting each other really really filthy stuff that we'd like to do to each other. I've already told him I don't have casual sex (anymore) but this guy is so gorgeous it's hard not to get caught up in talking about that kind of stuff.
This was all well and good but I really want more from him - I don't know him that well but from what I do know he seems like a lovely bloke and ticks most of the criteria I have for men - I guess you could say I got a bit picky in my old age! After having been single for 2 years I'd like to find someone I can settle down with for a bit. With me so far? Good.
Well just over a week ago the filthy texts stopped completely. I texted him last Saturday asking how his skiing trip went and I didn't get a reply, but I was on MSN later that day and he signed in and started talking to me (btw he only has internet access at Uni whilst I have it in my room, which is a pain). He then started talking to me like a normal person, being quite playful and laid-back. I thought "Great, he likes me!". But that was the last I've heard from him. No texts, filthy or otherwise. He did mention that he's got a serious cash-flow crisis at the moment, so I'm hoping that he's just got no credit (tho I have absolutely no idea if he's on PAYG). It's his birthday Tues and I've sent him a card, it has my address on the back of the envelop but I doubt he'll use his brain and use it! Anyway I just wondered what my next move should be? Maybe a casual email? I'm just not sure what I should do - it's hard enough to get to know someone you like but worse when they disappear completely! And if I do manage to maintain contact with him, how would you recommend I broach the subject of wanting to get to know him and seeing where it leads? I was originally gonna send a Valentine's card explaining my feelings but have got such mixed messages that I freaked out and didn't send it.
Thank you SO much for your time and patience in reading this and I hope to hear back soon :)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
For a start, thanks for your faith in me-though I've made my good share of mistakes, I'm finally strarting to wise up...
But I'll cut the cackle and get to your problem, although I have to admit that I'm as much in the dark as to his motives as you are.Taking your question step by step, it is obvious that he 1)Likes you in a sexual way and 2) Likes you as a friend. Trouble is, in the Law of Relationships 1+2 don't NECESSARILY add up to 3)he wants to be your boyfriend and in your words "settle down for a bit" (or for however long). I'm not saying that he doesn't , mind, just that you can't know.
So here is where I would push the boat out and send him a combined Birthday/Valentines card. Don't make too much of the Valentines theme- you could even make a sly joke of it, referring to the birthday card as a "non valentine". The more I think of it, the better idea that seems-by being playfully interested, you force his hand in the gentlest possible way-ie. if he wants to take you up on it, he can-if not he won't and no hard feelings.
My other strong advice to you is to not obsess about it too much(Iknow, I know, almost impossible). But I would say to keep as many distractions on the go as you can-it's old advice but one does seem more attractive that way. I am just going through an uncertain patch with a man, and I am doing as much as possible to keep my mind off it. Go tot the cinema with your girlfriends on Monday. Don't spend all day waiting from an IM from him-let's hope he starts texting again. I'm sorry not to have been much help-as you say yourself, the situation is hard to read. But keep me posted as to how it went, or ask advice again should the need arise.
Good Luck!
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